September 29, 2014




The link to my stories of my experiences with my daughters that have included mental illness, promiscuity, drugs, relationships, pregnancy and finally jail....yes jail for one of them is:


One moms story of schizophrenia and other tall tales


This journal will serve as my journaling of experiences that make fifty shades of gray pale in comparison.  Seriously, they think their sex stories are so writhing with excitement...please. That's your nighttime entertainment....my daughters have provided me with enough drama to last several life times, novels, lifetime movies and I'm sure several Maedia movies. 


In the meantime I have made connections for grant work, legal aid support, and information on a nonprofit.  All of which came through a women who has spent 30 years writing grants, working with legal aid and nonprofits.  She landed in my lap and I just love her.  Then as God would have it a lady who has watched me go through school through the years stopped me and said "You have to take your education and use it, use it for good".  Well I feel as though God is giving me signs to work with so I'm doing my best to stay focused. 

September 28, 2014


I will be providing a link to the blog shortly.

September 28, 2014


I don't ever want to have a year like I had this year.  But I've decided create a blog specifically for mom's of children with mental illnesses and emotional problems.  I think that should probably cover everyone.  I start facilitating celebrate recovery meetings in my community this Friday.  I'm a little nervous.....and I'm currently working on chapter two of my dissertation.  I thought by now things would become easier instead they have become more complex and the workload has doubled.  I'm attempting to focus my life on what God has for me but I have to tell you although I think I'm closer I'm not  quite sure. 


My daughter should be home from jail within two months....that has been a ride I never want to repeat nor  do I understand the heartbreak parents go through and how they survive the failings of their children.  Both of my older daughters overdosed on pills this year, one because of her mental illness and one due to the stresses of a divorce from a very abusive husband.  But honestly in the back of my mind I wonder why the second one did it.  I don't know. 


The best times of my day are in the early mornings when everything is fresh and very quiet and the late evenings when everyone is asleep and again everything is so quiet.  If I  didn't have to sleep I would get amazing things done,  I'd look like my face was falling off but I would get stuff done. 


After the death of one of my closest friends last year I had to take over the music for the church.  That has been challenging without everything else but it's been a lot of fun too. 


I still have no one in my life and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will but I'm also beginning to wonder if it's all that important. 


If I had another one hundred years to live I would do all the things that I enjoy.  You know for years I didn't even know what I enjoyed.  I was in an abusive relationship and a bad marriage and trying to please everyone.  It never worked, I was miserable and the clock kept ticking.  Now, I know what I like and even though I may not have all the time in the world to finish it all I know what I really enjoy and want to do.  I want to write a book, I want to cook and bake for wonderful dinner parties.  I want to travel, I want to diagnose mental illness, I want to make a difference in the way mental illness is perceived and the way treatment is given.  I want to help broken women who have struggled with abusive relationships.  I  want to build them up and help them to see God in a fresh way.  I want to watch them take wings and fly.  I want to public speak, and finally I'd like to teach at the college level and conduct research.  Somehow I think God can weave this all together in a way that will glorify him.  I'm just never sure if that's what He wants for me.  He's put all these things in my heart so I will trust Him and follow his direction. 


In the quiet of the evening when my grandchild is asleep in my bed and everyone is in their perspective bedrooms sound asleep, I have this wonderful opportunity to do anything I want.  I can read a portion of an excellent book while sipping some rich tasting coffee with hazelnut  creamer.  I could blog and listen to beautiful classical music, or I can do dissertation work while listening to music.  Sometimes I get so worked up I'm not sure which way to go, usually it's the dissertation work which is why I have not blogged in forever.  Well, that and all the events have been traumatizing to say the least. 


At any rate this is one of those delicious evenings when I'm able to blog and listen to classical music.  I think I'll go and get some coffee........until next time, be blessed!!!!