February 8, 2013

I learned some things yesterday.  I was going through an unusual blog/facebook post where men and women talk about relationships and what each of them wants in a mate.  The men posted long posts listing all of the qualifications for a girlfriend? wife? not sure.  And of course the women couldn't stand it they got on the men's post (they were asked to keep quiet) and began berating some of the men and trying to warm up to others, it was interesting.  Then of course the women posted with the same answers to the same questions and I am not quite sure if men responded or not.  Of course the author of the blog/facebook site began explaining how it would be beneficial if women would listen and not respond since they were repeatedly asked not to respond and yet they did , those disobedient (whatever he thought they were). So after he had a wonderful day with his perfect wife and beautiful family he just wasn't up to this drama (by the way, he asked all the questions and created the site) so now he just needed some quiet time and prayer time with his God.  Of course, as he stated men had been inboxing him asking questions about women, they didn't want to post those questions since they did not want to hear what women had to say,  however, they want a woman, they just don't want her to talk.  That's fine.  And the author doesn't want them to talk, only when spoken to (there could be consequences and repercussions who knows). 

Now why did I even like the site in the first place, I forgot.  Oh that's right I thought I might hear some intelligent conversation and sound advice but what I read for the most part was blah blah blah.  At first I started to get annoyed, but I really didn't know why, I thought it was work, or my life who knows. Then late last night I continued reading and I got angrier and I couldn't quite put my finger on why.  Why was this site depressing the hell out of me?  So in my infinite wisdom (not) I asked my friend who happens to be male since I thought he could bring insight into the situation.  As I began rereading the posts out loud to him I became even more annoyed, but of course I asked a male his opinion sooooooooo my friend, my dear friend proceeded to tell me "I'm gonna do you a favor and tell you what you are doing wrong"   Oh pleeeeeez mr. friend tell me how wrong I am and how you in all your infinite wisdom can fix me. I needed to be a different person and not waste opportunities that were in front of me and I needed to focus on schoool and and and and and there were so many corrections necessary for my acceptance into the potential line up for a boyfriend.

Here was my problem in all the posts I heard I want my mate to be (perfect) strong, independent, have drive, have a relationship with God, not put up with my "shit" (these were from men), see her beauty from within, support me, help me, keep me focused.  Did I get all the me me me mes in there?  And the I want and she needs to be and I won't accept yadda yadda yadda.  So if they could just find superwoman (and she better not lose her superpowers) I will accept her, she'll be good enough.  WHERE DO I SIGN UP????? Don't these men sound WONDERFUL.  Of course the women did the same thing blah blah blah knight in shining armor but take my "shit" do what I want.  So I said to my friend, but noone ever said they were looking for a life partner to work shoulder to shoulder with someone to build a life with, a best friend.  MY FRIEND aawwwww my friend said and I quote "Well, in the black culture that's understood, you shouldn't have to say that"  Welllllll aren't I just stupid.  I thought the guy asked what qualities they wanted in a woman, so they said everything but what was important?  Well he was more than willing to tell me what I was doing wrong and what I needed to do to change it.  Whatever.

I woke up this morning crying.  I went to work and cried and then Joseph Prince came on and the Lord spoke.  "Ladies make the man sweat, don't be easy, make him work for you.  You were bought with the ultimate price by God.  The Lord put the concept of the dowry to show men and women the high price that was being paid and the value of the woman.  The female eagle when she wants to mate swoops down and grabs a big piece of wood.  Then she soars high in the sky above the other birds with the males all around her, she lets go of the wood and the eagle that is the fastest and strongest that gets the wood and brings it back to her is the one that gets to mate with her. Christians are compared to eagles not chickens, even in nature God shows man he's gonna have to sweat to get what he wants.  Ladies don't give in so cheaply you are valuable, its in a man to want to do this, if he doesn't have to sweat for you, when he gets tired of you he'll leave you for the woman he has to sweat to get.  Make him work hard to get you he'll never forget and he'll always appreciate how hard it was and he'll know how much you are worth." 

So anyone listening it doesn't really matter what men or women say, talk is cheap, but the sweat from the brow is real.  Men can make all kinds of demands and every woman should be those things, but it doesn't mean that he's man enough to attain that quality of woman or keep it if he was fortunate enough to get it.  You don't have to say anything, the chase is not the woman's its the man's. 

Leave it to God to come in like a father and clarify a situation that was distorted.  Don't give in, I've heard over and over, men can get it anywhere they want they don't have to put in effort for you.  That's true there are plenty of scrubs out there that are just like that and not a one is going to get the time of day of a virtuous woman or should I say eagle.

Make him earn the privilege of a virtuous woman and an excellent wife.  But when he does, give it to him.