June 4, 2013

I went to my residency and spent five days, met some new friends and gained some invaluable information.  It's a wonderful thing when you get to be around people who think the way you do, they're passionate about the same things you are.  It brings you back to life and makes you feel like you are no longer alone there are people out there like you.  There is a place where you fit. 

I saw my brother for the first time in about 15 years.  We haven't spoken, we didn't really have much in common and it just seemed like the thing to do.  With the invention of the cell phone I went under the radar from him and my uncle and during that time I believe I lived maybe 3 different lives or phases in my life.  Until the invention of facebook where he popped up and lo and behold he wanted to friend me.  Facebook is a funny thing, but it gave him glipses into my life, pictures of the kids grown up, my grandkids growing up and ........what? She's in a doctorate program?/?  Yea I'm wierd.  I believe as long as God allows I will go as hard as God allows and do and experience everything he has for me...as long as God allows. 

All of this to say, me and my brother sat at a breakfast table alone and ate and visited.  I believe he knows about the goings on of my youngest, who is in the middle of a situation she had no business getting in the middle of, amazing how that happens.  And I believe he thought we would talk about it.  I chose not to, why spoil my day.  So we talked about other things and finally, he confessed he was miserable, hated getting up every morning and going to work.  He actually finds himself having to talk himself into doing it everyday, then he gets there, he works and about midnight goes home, goes to bed, gets up and starts his nightmare all over again.  Honestly, it sounds like Groundhog Day. 

Then I started talking about my schooling, my life, my job and how I can't wait to finish so I can get to work, maybe do a lot of traveling, but work really hard, I apparently like work.  I have challenges with my adult children who always seem to need my help for something and having a daughter who fights schizophrenia is difficult, however, the past year has been easier.  Although, apparently her car was towed away yesterday and since she never got it in her name she apparently can't retrieve it.  Thats another story.  Anyway with all of that I'm very excited to get to work, I love my life, although my home is definitely not picture perfect like theirs, but I enjoy working on it when I can.  But I look forward to things opening up and a whole new chapter unfolding. 

So whats the big difference between us???  Why are our outlooks so incredibly different?  He just wants to retire, go home and putter (yuk).  He doesn't want to do anything, just putter, I bet you think he's about 68 or 70 don't you.  Well nope he's 57, yes I said 57.  Me? I want to hit the ground running and stop when the Lord takes me, dead in my tracks.  How old am I?? 54.  So the difference?

Well, we're both Christians, but I believe we're supposed to be fruitful, fat and flourishing in our old age.  You know Moses didn't get started til he was 80, Joshua didn't take over and go fight in the promise land until he was 80.  I could go on about Abraham, and many others, but apparently age is not an issue with God. And since they started when they were 80 I think 54 is quite young.  I figure I have another full chapter or life that could go to my hundreds.  I don't want to sit and wait to die, I don't want to rock in a chair.  I'm just getting ready to get started working on something and I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit home and wait for the grim reaper!  I feel God calling me to something and I'm gonna go, I don't know where or when or how much but I'm gonna go. 

I've had several lifetimes, chapters, books, whatever you want to call them.  Ive done everything wrong at one time or another, I've tried depending on my own wisdom, but what I find is simply that God has more.  And...he has plans for me and they're good plans, plans with an expected end.  Plans to prosper me.  I mean come on, who could do better than that, seriously.  Who out there is gonna offer a better plan than God for me.  Noone.  I don't want to live the rest of my life dreading getting up for work in the morning, wanting to go home and just putter, really?  God's got more.