July 25, 2015
Within two weeks time I have discussed jobs with two different entities. I had a friend tell me one time to look for jobs in unlikely places. She said to apply all over, so I did. Its a different world now, I'm negotiating salaries and that's just a little weird to me but, it's all good. My dissertation continues on, I've sent back the revisions from the committee member to my chair, if anything should change it'll be minor. Meanwhile I'm putting together my checklist and waiting.
Group meetings are going well I just love all of them but I have a vision for bigger meetings and expanded group activities etc. If it's one thing I want the women to learn is the joy of the Lord and his desire to be involved in their lives.
The funniest thing happened to me, I was watching TBN and everyday at 11:30 this guy (preacher) came on and I've never paid attention to this guy he's a tall gentleman, medium build, blond and fair features, all the things I'm not particularly interested in paying attention to. But there was nothing left to listen to and I was waiting to leave so I just listened. I expected him to go blah blah blah I'm a boring preacher I ramble on ..................... But then he said something, he asked if we wanted to when God would tell us our destiny, he said I bet you wish He would just tell you so you could just go in that direction. And then finally, I can tell you when He will tell you what your destiny is.... Then there was a pause. He said it'll be when you are in the middle of it and He'll confirm it for you. But you'll already be there, doing it, living it and then yes this is your destiny. Here I was waiting for the moment when someone was going to tell me when God would let me know what my destiny was and plop!! Finally the best advice I've ever heard, He said be faithful in the gifting that God has given you no matter how small it is. Just keep being faithful and use your gift even when your tired of it and don't see a light at the end. Joseph in the Bible never really knew how he would get to where he was going. He had a vision of his brothers bowing down but that's all he had. He had no idea that any of the future events were all part of the step by step process God was leading him through to get to the Pharaoh and be his right hand man in charge of everything. But when you're thrown into a pit to die, accused of rape and thrown in prison and forgotten I think it would be very easy to become bitter and begin to think that he would just die there. And really, we don't know if he didn't have moments of depression and hopelessness. But when the Baker and the Taster asked Joseph to interpret their dreams he did it. He used his gifts, for a moment he didn't allow his pain to shut him down and become bitter. Instead, he gave them their interpretations. That moment was his defining moment. In that moment he made a decision to just use his gift and meet another person's need. Most people think the defining moment for Joseph was when he interpreted Pharoah's dreams but it wasn't. He had to be faithful in that small defining moment in prison before he was allowed to go before the Pharoah. Actually that small defining moment was what brought him before Pharoah. That's important and actually that is key. You really don't know which small moment in your time will be the defining moment that unlocks the door to your destiny. But it will be small and it will require you looking beyond yourself and being obedient to God's leading.
When the light bulb came on I finally realized that it didn't matter how small or large the group was I needed to be faithful in what God has called me to do no matter what and no matter how small. The Word says to not despise small beginnings........now I really understand why. I don't know which small moment of obedience will be my defining moment but I do know it will be within my faithfulness using the gifts he's given me in a small and seemingly unimportant way. That one small moment will be the key that will unlock the door to the next level of God's destiny and that is very exciting to me!
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Friday, July 17, 2015
July 17, 2015
Another day. I didn't mention my middle daughter Emily is pregnant, 7 months to be exact. Her life is finally calming down and I think it's too much for her. The art of living a calm peaceful life takes focus. It takes working towards that peace everyday and when your life has finally achieved a level of calm you may find yourself feeling a bit bored with no challenge, nothing to worry about, no make up sex. And in that calmness there is no adrenaline rush, no dopamine to the brain, so whats next. Well, maybe the business of building a life spending time with your kids, possibly working on the house or apartment to make things better than just calm, but creating a nice comfy living space and lifestyle. Believe it or not, it takes time and focus to climb the ladder of doing better step by step, overcoming obstacles, achieving excellence, and learning what taking a vacation is. My daughter would call it a life of boredom, or mediocrity. Isn't it funny how hard you have to climb to get out of the drama, the struggle, the bar hopping, the frustration, and the inability to pay the bills all the way to a mediocre life style. It's really not mediocre, its called peaceful, stable, freedom from a traumatic lifestyle. And finally, you have room to breathe and then room to grow, as a person, family, and parent. Two of my daughters have achieved this place in their lives, one is now working on her bachelors and the other is putting together her children's rooms, preparing for a child. Finally.
Years ago I heard Kenneth Copeland, an evangelist, say to his audience while he pointed his finger at them...."if it wasn't for your grandmothers who took the time to sit in their rockers and pray for you, you wouldn't be here today". I believe that. I believe as mothers and grandmothers it is our job to pray our families into the kingdom of God and into lives of prosperity, health, and peace.
Another day. I didn't mention my middle daughter Emily is pregnant, 7 months to be exact. Her life is finally calming down and I think it's too much for her. The art of living a calm peaceful life takes focus. It takes working towards that peace everyday and when your life has finally achieved a level of calm you may find yourself feeling a bit bored with no challenge, nothing to worry about, no make up sex. And in that calmness there is no adrenaline rush, no dopamine to the brain, so whats next. Well, maybe the business of building a life spending time with your kids, possibly working on the house or apartment to make things better than just calm, but creating a nice comfy living space and lifestyle. Believe it or not, it takes time and focus to climb the ladder of doing better step by step, overcoming obstacles, achieving excellence, and learning what taking a vacation is. My daughter would call it a life of boredom, or mediocrity. Isn't it funny how hard you have to climb to get out of the drama, the struggle, the bar hopping, the frustration, and the inability to pay the bills all the way to a mediocre life style. It's really not mediocre, its called peaceful, stable, freedom from a traumatic lifestyle. And finally, you have room to breathe and then room to grow, as a person, family, and parent. Two of my daughters have achieved this place in their lives, one is now working on her bachelors and the other is putting together her children's rooms, preparing for a child. Finally.
Years ago I heard Kenneth Copeland, an evangelist, say to his audience while he pointed his finger at them...."if it wasn't for your grandmothers who took the time to sit in their rockers and pray for you, you wouldn't be here today". I believe that. I believe as mothers and grandmothers it is our job to pray our families into the kingdom of God and into lives of prosperity, health, and peace.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
July 16, 2015,
My life is changing.......a lot and I like it. I love the group of women I have the privilege of working with and I like my kids. I love working on my dissertation, especially since it will now be going into the approval stage and data collection yaaaaaaaay!!!! God is really good!!
God is bringing peace into my life.
Now for a story:
Okay, so my granddaughter's dog had puppies mainly because my daughter doesn't know how to complete tasks on a timely basis. So her dog got pregnant, had five puppies, one died (very sad) and four have taken over the entire property.....and I think neighborhood. Anyway, so we have these dogs, there are five altogether with the mother whom has now been fixed after the fact, not quite sure how that helps with the other dogs but ok. So they are chiwawa mixed with God only knows what. Oh and God only knows how many different mixes because I think one is a dachshund/chiwawa weird little dude. Anyway there is this one dog and he is brown and white with abnormally long legs and he stays pretty thin. He crawls up and over the fence, he can jump as high as my shoulders, so I named him Jackalope. I always called him the Jackalope dog. So...he made a hole in the fenced with his nose, oh by the way it was chain link so how he did this was just bizarre, but he did. Then I got a rope and I laced it all through, so he chewed it up. Then in the middle of the night I put a huge rock in the hole just because he would go through and then all the others would follow. He took his paws and pushed it through....repeatedly.
So now to the story since you have all the background.
Last night I was asleep then around 3:00 a.m. I hear noises all around my house. I hear walking on the side of my home, I hear footsteps in the front. But what I don't hear are the dogs, usually they bark all night especially if Jackalope crawled over the fence...mostly because they are jealous. So....I continue to hear steps and then I hear what I believe are voices so I call the police just to have them drive by the house just to do a property check, no big deal. I turn on my porch light and I look around but I stayed in the house,I saw nothing. Finally, the police drove by, everything's quiet and then one of the dogs begin to bark and I realize he's barking out front. I go outside, all the dogs are everywhere outside they have hauled trash from the neighbors to my front yard and are basically having a party. I go back inside to get a robe on and I hear them barking and barking, they are chasing weirdos on their bikes down the street with the people yelling at them. Great 3:00 a.m. entertainment......not!! I get the dogs in the house I put them out back and I shove a rock in the hole because at 3:00 a.m. there are no stores selling fencing or anything else. I laid down to hear the huge rock hit the ground and the dogs go running....I give up!!!! I hate the dogs I'm going to sleep.
In the morning my mother pulls up to see the dogs across the street inside my neighbors gated yard just relaxing and enjoying themselves. Assholes!!! They come running when they see her and we again put them in the backyard. By now my front yard looks like the dump. My last resort other than building a 6 foot high brick wall, was chicken wire fence that was recommended. We put it up against the fence and attached it.
So far they are in and I just might get some sleep tonight!!!! Oh and I'm more than positive that the police think I'm a nut...to say the least.
My life is changing.......a lot and I like it. I love the group of women I have the privilege of working with and I like my kids. I love working on my dissertation, especially since it will now be going into the approval stage and data collection yaaaaaaaay!!!! God is really good!!
God is bringing peace into my life.
Now for a story:
Okay, so my granddaughter's dog had puppies mainly because my daughter doesn't know how to complete tasks on a timely basis. So her dog got pregnant, had five puppies, one died (very sad) and four have taken over the entire property.....and I think neighborhood. Anyway, so we have these dogs, there are five altogether with the mother whom has now been fixed after the fact, not quite sure how that helps with the other dogs but ok. So they are chiwawa mixed with God only knows what. Oh and God only knows how many different mixes because I think one is a dachshund/chiwawa weird little dude. Anyway there is this one dog and he is brown and white with abnormally long legs and he stays pretty thin. He crawls up and over the fence, he can jump as high as my shoulders, so I named him Jackalope. I always called him the Jackalope dog. So...he made a hole in the fenced with his nose, oh by the way it was chain link so how he did this was just bizarre, but he did. Then I got a rope and I laced it all through, so he chewed it up. Then in the middle of the night I put a huge rock in the hole just because he would go through and then all the others would follow. He took his paws and pushed it through....repeatedly.
So now to the story since you have all the background.
Last night I was asleep then around 3:00 a.m. I hear noises all around my house. I hear walking on the side of my home, I hear footsteps in the front. But what I don't hear are the dogs, usually they bark all night especially if Jackalope crawled over the fence...mostly because they are jealous. So....I continue to hear steps and then I hear what I believe are voices so I call the police just to have them drive by the house just to do a property check, no big deal. I turn on my porch light and I look around but I stayed in the house,I saw nothing. Finally, the police drove by, everything's quiet and then one of the dogs begin to bark and I realize he's barking out front. I go outside, all the dogs are everywhere outside they have hauled trash from the neighbors to my front yard and are basically having a party. I go back inside to get a robe on and I hear them barking and barking, they are chasing weirdos on their bikes down the street with the people yelling at them. Great 3:00 a.m. entertainment......not!! I get the dogs in the house I put them out back and I shove a rock in the hole because at 3:00 a.m. there are no stores selling fencing or anything else. I laid down to hear the huge rock hit the ground and the dogs go running....I give up!!!! I hate the dogs I'm going to sleep.
In the morning my mother pulls up to see the dogs across the street inside my neighbors gated yard just relaxing and enjoying themselves. Assholes!!! They come running when they see her and we again put them in the backyard. By now my front yard looks like the dump. My last resort other than building a 6 foot high brick wall, was chicken wire fence that was recommended. We put it up against the fence and attached it.
So far they are in and I just might get some sleep tonight!!!! Oh and I'm more than positive that the police think I'm a nut...to say the least.
Monday, July 6, 2015
July 6, 2015
I don't understand how it's possible to get so angry while looking at a situation as though it is completely hopeless, you're a complete loser and you just want to crawl in a hole and die, to its okay, I can do this everything is at peace. Now mind you nothing has really happened no one told me I couldn't do it, or do whatever I wanted I just believed I couldn't.
Earlier today I got a lovely newsletter from my old church. There was an unsavory situation and let's just say that the real character of a few people came out. Of course the interim preacher they called to pastor the church for a while left a trail of damage, but why should he care what he did he's gone, never to return. I saw something that was truly intended for viewing and honestly it didn't bother me except that I knew it was meant for my viewing. I have no desire to ever play the piano there again, I don't miss it, I can play anywhere else I'd like to its not a problem. I think it was just the attitude that two men took in their own hate and conceit to publicize their attitudes for all to see. It was creepy but I guess true colors come out in the end. Sad part was I never did anything to either one of them except I saw them for who they are. I didn't react to it, I didn't care but I saw it. So now like a couple of snakes they slither around with grimacing looks on their faces spewing venom. So bizarre, be careful little ones what you see......I don't know why I've always been targeted that way. Men like that have always made themselves known to women like me. I don't know why, except they don't like strong women so they set their sights on them. The pastor came into the church and one of the first sentences out of his mouth was "that woman is a controlling witch". Now he wasn't talking about me, I wished he would have, but the person he was talking about never spoke to him, never talked about him, she never did anything. He just couldn't stand her. His wife would occasionally come to church, she looked like a whipped dog. When he asked me to kiss him on the cheek in his office the one thing I regret is not decking him. I should have hit him in the face so hard he fell to his knees. I can guarantee one thing if something like that ever happens again I will. It actually happened to me once years ago, a guy slapped me on the ass, I turned around and hit him in the stomach so hard he fell to his knees. I regret not doing it to that pastor, he so needed it. Lesson learned. I guess in the short haul of things evil prevails, I seen a lot of it.
So now I am finally uploading my proposal (the first three chapters of my dissertation) for review. It's taken almost a year and 50 pages later. Of course a whole lot of money and time invested. It's almost like I don't know anything else. Life is good!
I don't understand how it's possible to get so angry while looking at a situation as though it is completely hopeless, you're a complete loser and you just want to crawl in a hole and die, to its okay, I can do this everything is at peace. Now mind you nothing has really happened no one told me I couldn't do it, or do whatever I wanted I just believed I couldn't.
Earlier today I got a lovely newsletter from my old church. There was an unsavory situation and let's just say that the real character of a few people came out. Of course the interim preacher they called to pastor the church for a while left a trail of damage, but why should he care what he did he's gone, never to return. I saw something that was truly intended for viewing and honestly it didn't bother me except that I knew it was meant for my viewing. I have no desire to ever play the piano there again, I don't miss it, I can play anywhere else I'd like to its not a problem. I think it was just the attitude that two men took in their own hate and conceit to publicize their attitudes for all to see. It was creepy but I guess true colors come out in the end. Sad part was I never did anything to either one of them except I saw them for who they are. I didn't react to it, I didn't care but I saw it. So now like a couple of snakes they slither around with grimacing looks on their faces spewing venom. So bizarre, be careful little ones what you see......I don't know why I've always been targeted that way. Men like that have always made themselves known to women like me. I don't know why, except they don't like strong women so they set their sights on them. The pastor came into the church and one of the first sentences out of his mouth was "that woman is a controlling witch". Now he wasn't talking about me, I wished he would have, but the person he was talking about never spoke to him, never talked about him, she never did anything. He just couldn't stand her. His wife would occasionally come to church, she looked like a whipped dog. When he asked me to kiss him on the cheek in his office the one thing I regret is not decking him. I should have hit him in the face so hard he fell to his knees. I can guarantee one thing if something like that ever happens again I will. It actually happened to me once years ago, a guy slapped me on the ass, I turned around and hit him in the stomach so hard he fell to his knees. I regret not doing it to that pastor, he so needed it. Lesson learned. I guess in the short haul of things evil prevails, I seen a lot of it.
So now I am finally uploading my proposal (the first three chapters of my dissertation) for review. It's taken almost a year and 50 pages later. Of course a whole lot of money and time invested. It's almost like I don't know anything else. Life is good!
Thursday, July 2, 2015
July 2, 2015
Today is a great day I feel like things are beginning to change for me. After a year of revisions on my dissertation proposal I will be uploading for the institutional review board to approve. They may shred it and send it back but I'm so grateful to be done with revisions. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's been a very long tunnel. When the school told me it all looked really good I didn't quite know how to feel about it I've been doing revisions for so long it was starting to be a way of life. Now I have to figure out how to use survey monkey and how to get it uploaded to facebook so that hopefully people will agree and take my survey. Crazy stuff for me, probably not to some, but for me its just so different.
Then after years of roadblocks and being ignored it looks like doors are opening, God is good! I'm actually beginning to believe that I just may not be as stupid as I thought and maybe God is really opening some doors. Truth is my current job has been such a blessing to me, the people have been so good to me over the years it would be so difficult to leave them. Both of my bosses are so good to me in every way...maaan. Even when change is good and dreams begin to come true its still hard. I guess any change is hard, we get used to our messes, our struggles and uphill climbs, when we finally don't have to do it anymore we don't know what to do. I'm not actually there yet but it's starting to feel like things will begin to become much easier. My Pastor's wife actually prophesied that over me the other night. Wow....
We had out group tonight and all I can really say is that I just love them!!!! And it's so cool to be able to share with them that God can really take away loneliness and fill the void in our lives. Yes, we can have peace with or without a man, in or out of turmoil it really does exist and we can really have it.
Today is a great day I feel like things are beginning to change for me. After a year of revisions on my dissertation proposal I will be uploading for the institutional review board to approve. They may shred it and send it back but I'm so grateful to be done with revisions. I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's been a very long tunnel. When the school told me it all looked really good I didn't quite know how to feel about it I've been doing revisions for so long it was starting to be a way of life. Now I have to figure out how to use survey monkey and how to get it uploaded to facebook so that hopefully people will agree and take my survey. Crazy stuff for me, probably not to some, but for me its just so different.
Then after years of roadblocks and being ignored it looks like doors are opening, God is good! I'm actually beginning to believe that I just may not be as stupid as I thought and maybe God is really opening some doors. Truth is my current job has been such a blessing to me, the people have been so good to me over the years it would be so difficult to leave them. Both of my bosses are so good to me in every way...maaan. Even when change is good and dreams begin to come true its still hard. I guess any change is hard, we get used to our messes, our struggles and uphill climbs, when we finally don't have to do it anymore we don't know what to do. I'm not actually there yet but it's starting to feel like things will begin to become much easier. My Pastor's wife actually prophesied that over me the other night. Wow....
We had out group tonight and all I can really say is that I just love them!!!! And it's so cool to be able to share with them that God can really take away loneliness and fill the void in our lives. Yes, we can have peace with or without a man, in or out of turmoil it really does exist and we can really have it.
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