August 28, 2013;
Well, it's been hell. Yesterday it began with my daughter and my boss having mini strokes at work and now today. My youngest daughter has two children with two different fathers who are lets say low on the IQ and high on the alcohol and recreational drug list. Since her issue with the law, they decided to put her through the ringer until the court situation is over. That's another month away. So she is to have supervised visitation in her home but the fathers chose her schizophrenic sister to supervise the visitation....nice. She's manic not taking her meds living with a creep of unknown......anything. So she dropped the kids and left. Nice. So needless to say the lawyer was called and both my oldest and I will be in court to testify to the middle daughter's schizophrenia and her manic state. Lovely.
Schizophrenics are interesting when they're manic they put off an aura about them.. very aggressive, ready to fight, angry. I'd say at this rate she hasn't been taking her meds for about a month, that would put her here. She's stealing from the family.
Well she came back but not before one of the father's was called and told about it, unfortunately it was the one with fewer brain cells so he always throws tantrums, screams, drinks too much, thinks he's a real man and can't complete a sentence. Oh well. Choose carefully who you give access to your ovaries..........seriously.
My life was once very quiet, there was no drama, but when you deal with fathers and visitations that involve exes that are all young and their emotional it's a mess. It's unfortunate none of them are mature enough to handle their relationships without court orders and law enforcement. It's like saying: Hello I didn't grow up I didn't get my way I'm mad at you for our breakup and I'm going to split the child in half and we're gonna fight over her/him for the rest of our lives.
The joke is on them though, the kids grow up. Then they don't have a reason to continue communication and keep that contact and then what will they do for entertainment they won't be able to use the child to get to the other person anymore Oh My God!!!! And what????? you want to go live with your mother/father? I can't force you to do what I want???? And what??? you found out I lied the whole time about her/him and ohoh I wasn't able to hide the fact that I'm an asshole???? So you figured out why they left???? Whhhooooooops, my bad.
As adults you can tell the kids anything you want. But buyer beware, they will figure out the truth. They're like little sleuths, they'll search and search, look at pictures you've hidden away, they'll find the divorce papers, court orders, restraining orders and .......oh yea I forgot to tell you the school taught them how to read LOL. So they read and they read. And then they wait until they are adults and they say things like mom, dad lied to us he said blah, blah, blah, about you and we found the divorce papers that's not what happened.
One of the most beautiful days was when after my husband cleaned me out he, well actually his lovely new wifie....yea, took my wedding dress and hung it on the tree in their front yard for the yard sale in front of my daughters. Isnt that nice. She really worked hard on promoting that relationship you know fostering that stepmother/daughter bond. It didn't work out they both ended up hating her and if that wasn't bad enough her sons hated her too. WOW.
Anyway that is where all of the fighting over visitation and kids gets you. You have to ask yourself why do you fight over the child. I believe the child is leverage used by the parent to hurt the other parent for all of the pain you felt inside from the breakup.
In the end it backfires. You finally go your way your ex finally goes his way and the child is the one left with the all baggage and anger from the divorce. And on to his or her first relationship......divorce?
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
August 26, 2013;
Now the outpouring of my disappearance. My youngest, she had her first at 15. The father and his mother tried to get her to abort it, I prayed she kept the baby but the boyfriend dumped her and when the child was born he called the hospital screaming it wasn't his. A few years later she met another young man and became pregnant they stayed together a few years, he was controlling and selfish and she wanted out. Unfortunately, she got out by means of another young man. When I met this young man I told her to get away from him he would do more damage to her life than she would ever know. I said don't get pregnant by him, you'll never get rid of him he's bad.
She got pregnant and the relationship went bad very quickly. (I'm giving the condensed version) They finally split after he started hitting her and taking off for days at a time. She came home but she wouldn't stay and they ended up talking. One of her cousins died and she went to the funeral and who shows up. Him. She called me later to check in and I told her she needed to come home she needed to get away from him. 5:30 a.m. the next morning my daughter called me from the jail. She had gone with him, and he and his friend met another ex friend of theirs and they proceeded to get into a fight. She left quickly, but the father of her child didn't leave until he had done serious damage to the other person. Something apparently he had done before to other people.
After that day many days followed like the movie Lemony Snicketts series of unfortunate events. She had called a friend to bail her out he came to me telling me what he was doing, but nothing is without a price. And he tried to collect and she wouldn't comply with him. I explained to her that she owed it to him to do the work he wanted done, not knowing the pressure he was putting on her and not knowing how mentally not right he was. She had finally had enough of him and refused to do anymore work and started disappearing again. The next day he called child protective services on her and revoked her bail because he just didn't feel right about her anymore. But everyone including the police, the court, the lawyers, and CPS knew that he had a problem.
When he revoked her bail she went to jail. We couldn't post the bail until they booked her in and shipped her out. We did. She came home. There have been a series of court dates, come to find out those 3 boys had been fighting each other for a while, the victim admitted in the courtroom that they had been fighting for months. He knew they were going to fight.
The person that originally bailed her out came back to her trying to make nice again, but she wouldn't have any part of it. There are only two court dates left and things are looking very good. Lots of prayer God is amazingly wonderful he has provided all the way through.
I almost died several times, but she's home for a while stabilizing and enjoying her home.
There's more to the story but as with all things it's a little at a time. LOL and that was a little.
Now the outpouring of my disappearance. My youngest, she had her first at 15. The father and his mother tried to get her to abort it, I prayed she kept the baby but the boyfriend dumped her and when the child was born he called the hospital screaming it wasn't his. A few years later she met another young man and became pregnant they stayed together a few years, he was controlling and selfish and she wanted out. Unfortunately, she got out by means of another young man. When I met this young man I told her to get away from him he would do more damage to her life than she would ever know. I said don't get pregnant by him, you'll never get rid of him he's bad.
She got pregnant and the relationship went bad very quickly. (I'm giving the condensed version) They finally split after he started hitting her and taking off for days at a time. She came home but she wouldn't stay and they ended up talking. One of her cousins died and she went to the funeral and who shows up. Him. She called me later to check in and I told her she needed to come home she needed to get away from him. 5:30 a.m. the next morning my daughter called me from the jail. She had gone with him, and he and his friend met another ex friend of theirs and they proceeded to get into a fight. She left quickly, but the father of her child didn't leave until he had done serious damage to the other person. Something apparently he had done before to other people.
After that day many days followed like the movie Lemony Snicketts series of unfortunate events. She had called a friend to bail her out he came to me telling me what he was doing, but nothing is without a price. And he tried to collect and she wouldn't comply with him. I explained to her that she owed it to him to do the work he wanted done, not knowing the pressure he was putting on her and not knowing how mentally not right he was. She had finally had enough of him and refused to do anymore work and started disappearing again. The next day he called child protective services on her and revoked her bail because he just didn't feel right about her anymore. But everyone including the police, the court, the lawyers, and CPS knew that he had a problem.
When he revoked her bail she went to jail. We couldn't post the bail until they booked her in and shipped her out. We did. She came home. There have been a series of court dates, come to find out those 3 boys had been fighting each other for a while, the victim admitted in the courtroom that they had been fighting for months. He knew they were going to fight.
The person that originally bailed her out came back to her trying to make nice again, but she wouldn't have any part of it. There are only two court dates left and things are looking very good. Lots of prayer God is amazingly wonderful he has provided all the way through.
I almost died several times, but she's home for a while stabilizing and enjoying her home.
There's more to the story but as with all things it's a little at a time. LOL and that was a little.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
August 25, 2013
Well my middle daughter who appeared more normal than the other two for quite some time is finally beginning to have a few problems. She has been on her meds regularly for about a year and a half now, and doing quite well. Unfortunately, she met a guy, a young guy about six years younger than she is and completely and utterly clueless. One of his "cousins" has a mental health issue and for some reason my daughter thought she could help him out. Well I don't know how much helping out she actually did but for the first time in a year and a half she came up about a week short of her medications.......and so the drama begins.
As I have previously stated she has schizophrenia and it is controlled by medications and quite successfully. She finally got on a formula that works great for her and she has been able to work and maintain which is excellent since drives to the mental health hospital are not the most pleasant.
Anyway, she reported a couple of days ago that she is experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations. The deterioration begins with auditory. Actually the beginning is a disruption of normal sleep patterns and irritability, extreme irritability. Then her face begins to change some what. I knew when she came over something was wrong. I looked in her face and I asked her what's wrong? I could tell just by her face. It's not any expressions that she might make or a mean face or a sad face, but its the face and her eyes. When she deteriorates to this level her face changes. It looks wrong almost as those she's tormented.
The problem is during the weekend when the real problems always occur for some reason, there is no help for her. She ran out of her meds, her appointment for the psychiatrist isn't until Tuesday and she cannot get a refill until then.
Here is where the emergency room at the hospital could really improve in their services. So many places are offering mental health services especially during the weekends and they will provide meds for just the weekend until the individual can get to the psychiatrist. In this community, they take one look and ship the person out to wherever there is a bed in a mental health hospital and if there isn't one the person lays in the emergency room bed without meds of any kind. What's the point?
The problem is many times these types of people do not have the support of their families so they become desperate and often will find themselves in jail over a manic episode. A complete waste of time and resources and all because they cannot get the meds they need to get them to the next appointment with the psychiatrist.
Well the next hospital board meeting I will be advocating for the improvement of services through the emergency room. Until then I will continue researching the subject and as a mother I'll just provide support.
You know all I ever wanted to do was cook and bake and decorate cakes. I wanted my family around me and I just wanted a normal life. God had something else in mind lol.
Well my middle daughter who appeared more normal than the other two for quite some time is finally beginning to have a few problems. She has been on her meds regularly for about a year and a half now, and doing quite well. Unfortunately, she met a guy, a young guy about six years younger than she is and completely and utterly clueless. One of his "cousins" has a mental health issue and for some reason my daughter thought she could help him out. Well I don't know how much helping out she actually did but for the first time in a year and a half she came up about a week short of her medications.......and so the drama begins.
As I have previously stated she has schizophrenia and it is controlled by medications and quite successfully. She finally got on a formula that works great for her and she has been able to work and maintain which is excellent since drives to the mental health hospital are not the most pleasant.
Anyway, she reported a couple of days ago that she is experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations. The deterioration begins with auditory. Actually the beginning is a disruption of normal sleep patterns and irritability, extreme irritability. Then her face begins to change some what. I knew when she came over something was wrong. I looked in her face and I asked her what's wrong? I could tell just by her face. It's not any expressions that she might make or a mean face or a sad face, but its the face and her eyes. When she deteriorates to this level her face changes. It looks wrong almost as those she's tormented.
The problem is during the weekend when the real problems always occur for some reason, there is no help for her. She ran out of her meds, her appointment for the psychiatrist isn't until Tuesday and she cannot get a refill until then.
Here is where the emergency room at the hospital could really improve in their services. So many places are offering mental health services especially during the weekends and they will provide meds for just the weekend until the individual can get to the psychiatrist. In this community, they take one look and ship the person out to wherever there is a bed in a mental health hospital and if there isn't one the person lays in the emergency room bed without meds of any kind. What's the point?
The problem is many times these types of people do not have the support of their families so they become desperate and often will find themselves in jail over a manic episode. A complete waste of time and resources and all because they cannot get the meds they need to get them to the next appointment with the psychiatrist.
Well the next hospital board meeting I will be advocating for the improvement of services through the emergency room. Until then I will continue researching the subject and as a mother I'll just provide support.
You know all I ever wanted to do was cook and bake and decorate cakes. I wanted my family around me and I just wanted a normal life. God had something else in mind lol.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
March 22, 2013;
Dear Diary,
Why is my daughter a schizophrenic?????? Is there any end to the bizarre happenings and bad decisions? She bought a car with her boyfriend and I mean WITH only there's something that's not quite right with this dude and now she has signed a note with him. This ranks right up there with....I can't think of anything that would go up there with that. She has known this guy for less than......oh Ill give her credit, 4 months. This will not end well without a great deal of prayer.
Now my other daughter is at our local park at 11:20 p.m. with a flashlight looking for her daughter's phone that was left there after cheerleading practice. Now that's gonna be interesting I'm waiting to hear that police will be showing up. Life is interesting when there are nothing but women in a family, there are two grandsons, but they seem to play backfield to all of the female drama that takes place. I play backfield too because I'm getting too old for this stuff.
Dear Diary,
Why is my daughter a schizophrenic?????? Is there any end to the bizarre happenings and bad decisions? She bought a car with her boyfriend and I mean WITH only there's something that's not quite right with this dude and now she has signed a note with him. This ranks right up there with....I can't think of anything that would go up there with that. She has known this guy for less than......oh Ill give her credit, 4 months. This will not end well without a great deal of prayer.
Now my other daughter is at our local park at 11:20 p.m. with a flashlight looking for her daughter's phone that was left there after cheerleading practice. Now that's gonna be interesting I'm waiting to hear that police will be showing up. Life is interesting when there are nothing but women in a family, there are two grandsons, but they seem to play backfield to all of the female drama that takes place. I play backfield too because I'm getting too old for this stuff.
March 22, 2013;
We all get one chance at life, just one. What do we want from it. What do we hope to experience for ourselves as we journey down our path. How high are our expectations and should we lower them, will that make us happy or will we always wonder what if we hadn't compromised, what if we had reached that little extra that is always there. What if we didn't allow our hearts to drag us into relationships that are unhealthy just because that person made our heart skip a beat. What if we had the courage to leave it especially if we know that person will never do the right thing by us.
One thing is for sure you will never know unless you try, you'll never know if it gets any better than this unless you give it a shot. It's lonely when you do, horribly lonely, the journey is made for one person many times and it takes trusting God to go it alone for a long time. When I was very young my aunt gave me a t shirt that said you will kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. It's a stupid saying but it fits. Some frogs even look like princes, act like princes and some taste like princes, but unlike the Berenstein Bears, they're not princes.
Everybody has their opinion of what I should be doing, how I should be doing it, who I should be talking to and by the way why are you alone? I can't answer that question I don't really know the answer. I know I met what I believed to be a genuine prince but my judgment is off....still.
There are a lot of uncertainties but God gives direction one day at a time and I have to walk that out. One conversation at a time one direction at a time, he won't reveal the whole picture to me. That is so frustrating to me if I had the whole picture I would start to work it, he probably knows that about me so he only gives me the grace for the day. It's hard to walk out my faith this way I always wanted a plan and I wanted God to tell me everything.....He likes to tell me one thing just when it's happening or illumine me after it happened just so I know it was him...I had nothing to do with it.
One thing I know I want to have it all. I don't know how to get it but I know that having it all means to surrender everything to Him allowing him to do what he wants. That is the most exciting adventure.
Meanwhile, my kids are crazy but they're getting better. There are still those few people that want to do harm but God will deal with them. We can't be bothered with things that are meant to take our focus off the important issues.
We all get one chance at life, just one. What do we want from it. What do we hope to experience for ourselves as we journey down our path. How high are our expectations and should we lower them, will that make us happy or will we always wonder what if we hadn't compromised, what if we had reached that little extra that is always there. What if we didn't allow our hearts to drag us into relationships that are unhealthy just because that person made our heart skip a beat. What if we had the courage to leave it especially if we know that person will never do the right thing by us.
One thing is for sure you will never know unless you try, you'll never know if it gets any better than this unless you give it a shot. It's lonely when you do, horribly lonely, the journey is made for one person many times and it takes trusting God to go it alone for a long time. When I was very young my aunt gave me a t shirt that said you will kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. It's a stupid saying but it fits. Some frogs even look like princes, act like princes and some taste like princes, but unlike the Berenstein Bears, they're not princes.
Everybody has their opinion of what I should be doing, how I should be doing it, who I should be talking to and by the way why are you alone? I can't answer that question I don't really know the answer. I know I met what I believed to be a genuine prince but my judgment is off....still.
There are a lot of uncertainties but God gives direction one day at a time and I have to walk that out. One conversation at a time one direction at a time, he won't reveal the whole picture to me. That is so frustrating to me if I had the whole picture I would start to work it, he probably knows that about me so he only gives me the grace for the day. It's hard to walk out my faith this way I always wanted a plan and I wanted God to tell me everything.....He likes to tell me one thing just when it's happening or illumine me after it happened just so I know it was him...I had nothing to do with it.
One thing I know I want to have it all. I don't know how to get it but I know that having it all means to surrender everything to Him allowing him to do what he wants. That is the most exciting adventure.
Meanwhile, my kids are crazy but they're getting better. There are still those few people that want to do harm but God will deal with them. We can't be bothered with things that are meant to take our focus off the important issues.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
August 20, 2013,
Summer was difficult I can't even begin to explain how many things went wrong and then how many miracles God performed. I'm still calming down from life with my family just suffice it to say that the choices we make, the people we associate ourselves with it all makes a difference in how we make our decisions. Some people have the appearance of being friends but they're really not, some people tell you things they want you to believe, but you can't and at the of the day you are left with the debris, kind of like the tornados in Oklahoma.
And yet I finished my last two classes for the doctorate and now it's just the dissertation. I say just the dissertation lol, yea whatever.
So the ultimate question would be what do I want to be when I grow up? I have no idea. I think I'm one of those people that gets the degree and turns around and cooks or bakes for a living. You know those pictures that will come up on facebook and it will show you a long winding road and the caption will read "sometimes this is all you need" well thank God it doesn't show a fork in the road because then what? You know when I started this journey I didn't have a bachelors and I thought "Oh I have plenty of time". Then I started a masters and I thought hmmm "well I'll figure it out as I go". Then the opportunity came for the doctorate and I thought "well certainly by the time I'm through with this I'll definitely know what I'm going to do with my life by then people who get their doctorates are really smart" I can't even type that with a straight face!!!
I don't know about other people but I'm pretty easy I can be happy anywhere I'll make it work. First I thought I'll work with kids I can do that no big deal I like them. Then I thought I could do probation that would work it's like babysitting adults but it'd be fine. Then I considered working for child protective services and I thought that would be fine I could do that. And if I would have been hired I would have stayed doing those things it wouldn't have been too exciting but I would have stayed and exceled at it, again no big deal. But I didn't get a job doing those things. So now what? I prayed Lord close the doors you don't want open (I think he sealed them shut permanently). So then I asked Lord what do you want me to do????? DEAD SILENCE I said Lord all you have to do is tell me I'll do it, just open the right door, I'll walk through it and do whatever you want, (it sounded like the wind doing through a ghost town).
The best advice that was ever given to me was "do the obvious, if you don't know what to do, do the obvious". Okay, so I'll pray, I'll start writing again, I think I finally can again, and hmmmm my lawn needs mowing and the garden needs cleaning, oh and the bathroom needs the paint and I should be in the Word again. Then I'll wait. This is me after completing my last two classes of school, I think I'm a little ADD, ya think?
Summer was difficult I can't even begin to explain how many things went wrong and then how many miracles God performed. I'm still calming down from life with my family just suffice it to say that the choices we make, the people we associate ourselves with it all makes a difference in how we make our decisions. Some people have the appearance of being friends but they're really not, some people tell you things they want you to believe, but you can't and at the of the day you are left with the debris, kind of like the tornados in Oklahoma.
And yet I finished my last two classes for the doctorate and now it's just the dissertation. I say just the dissertation lol, yea whatever.
So the ultimate question would be what do I want to be when I grow up? I have no idea. I think I'm one of those people that gets the degree and turns around and cooks or bakes for a living. You know those pictures that will come up on facebook and it will show you a long winding road and the caption will read "sometimes this is all you need" well thank God it doesn't show a fork in the road because then what? You know when I started this journey I didn't have a bachelors and I thought "Oh I have plenty of time". Then I started a masters and I thought hmmm "well I'll figure it out as I go". Then the opportunity came for the doctorate and I thought "well certainly by the time I'm through with this I'll definitely know what I'm going to do with my life by then people who get their doctorates are really smart" I can't even type that with a straight face!!!
I don't know about other people but I'm pretty easy I can be happy anywhere I'll make it work. First I thought I'll work with kids I can do that no big deal I like them. Then I thought I could do probation that would work it's like babysitting adults but it'd be fine. Then I considered working for child protective services and I thought that would be fine I could do that. And if I would have been hired I would have stayed doing those things it wouldn't have been too exciting but I would have stayed and exceled at it, again no big deal. But I didn't get a job doing those things. So now what? I prayed Lord close the doors you don't want open (I think he sealed them shut permanently). So then I asked Lord what do you want me to do????? DEAD SILENCE I said Lord all you have to do is tell me I'll do it, just open the right door, I'll walk through it and do whatever you want, (it sounded like the wind doing through a ghost town).
The best advice that was ever given to me was "do the obvious, if you don't know what to do, do the obvious". Okay, so I'll pray, I'll start writing again, I think I finally can again, and hmmmm my lawn needs mowing and the garden needs cleaning, oh and the bathroom needs the paint and I should be in the Word again. Then I'll wait. This is me after completing my last two classes of school, I think I'm a little ADD, ya think?
Sunday, August 11, 2013
August 11, 2013;
I've been through hell and haven't had the strength to post or write anything, however, the end is near and all has ended very well. I'm finishing my last two classes for my doctorate, that's been difficult through the mess but I'm finishing. I lost my focus for a while, spent a lot of time in prayer, just being there for my children and grandchildren. Sometimes trying to maintain normal through a storm is difficult but children need their routine and good times, they don't need to feel the impact of hard things so I've spent a lot of time with them playing and cooking and just plain being there. It's almost over I'm just feeling the ripple affect. I'm keeping my family close and keeping outsiders out. I don't even care what others are doing, my only concern is for my family.
My focus is returning, but it'll be a little bit. Until then school stops for no one and my dissertation is knocking on my door. Good thing there isn't a man in my life he would be very lonely right now. Oh well.
I've been through hell and haven't had the strength to post or write anything, however, the end is near and all has ended very well. I'm finishing my last two classes for my doctorate, that's been difficult through the mess but I'm finishing. I lost my focus for a while, spent a lot of time in prayer, just being there for my children and grandchildren. Sometimes trying to maintain normal through a storm is difficult but children need their routine and good times, they don't need to feel the impact of hard things so I've spent a lot of time with them playing and cooking and just plain being there. It's almost over I'm just feeling the ripple affect. I'm keeping my family close and keeping outsiders out. I don't even care what others are doing, my only concern is for my family.
My focus is returning, but it'll be a little bit. Until then school stops for no one and my dissertation is knocking on my door. Good thing there isn't a man in my life he would be very lonely right now. Oh well.
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