November 28, 1013;

It's Thanksgiving and I would say that this year has been particularly hard on me and my family individually and collectively.  I have completed all of my coursework for my doctorate program and am now in my dissertation.  I have gained new employment as a crisis intervention clinician which should be amazingly beneficial on my journey and I am beginning to say goodbye to some old relationships that will be more than heartbreaking. 

My oldest is facing her third back surgery which should actually be a turning point for her life since she lives most of her life in extreme pain.  So this I look forward to since being so young and so unable to enjoy life is just too difficult, especially when there is help available. 

My middle daughter is doing well, she took some time off from her job and has moved home for a while.  I was able to sit in with her psych appointment which proved to be illuminating.  I love this stuff so for me it really is fun.  All in all she is doing quite well. She actually has shown me how to trust God and not intervene in situations in a much more mature way than I could have ever done.  She surprises me. 

My baby is struggling immensely, her struggle breaks my heart and is impossible to discuss but I know God is much bigger than the problem.  "The seed of the righteous shall be delivered" that is what I say out loud and to myself numerous times everyday.  I know He's bigger and I know He has her and He is intervening.  I love her and hold her every time she lets me but it's not often enough.

I know things are making a huge transition in my life right now.  I feel in my spirit as though I'm saying goodbye to a lot of things and I'm going forward to I really don't know what.  But I know God is directing my path and I know He has plans for me with an expected end.  Plans for good and not to harm me. 

I have been forging a trail alone in my spirit for a long time.  My life was turned upside down about six years ago and since then I have been finishing my education and doing damage control.  Six years of damage control.  Six years of being broke, doing repairs on my home, which by the way is older than me, and working on my education.  Which when I began that journey I had no idea what I was going to do. 

And what have I learned........well...Sometimes God talks to you by not talking to you.  Sometimes you have to accept what the Word says by faith and just walk it out in the dark.  And sometimes nothing happens for a really long time.  Everything just stands still and you wonder if He hears your cries.  Then you keep paying your bills and being broke and wondering how you're going to make it to the next payday and why did this or that break again....seriously?  And in the midst of all that your kids decide after years of being gone that they are coming home.......really?  All three of them at one time or another.  Grandkids everywhere, never enough food to last (but somehow they always eat).  A dog on your property you never wanted, bikes everywhere and you're Nama...ughhhhh. 

Now in the middle of that try to have a personal life, yea right and try to finish your schooling.  Well, that I refused to give up on.

Now it's Thanksgiving with Christmas around the corner.  I can honestly say that God is in the business of restoration.  He is restoring the girls in a whole way, not just a partial fix but completely.  And when He is through they will leave one by one.  My house will be empty and I will once again be in my home alone.  His timing is perfect and He does a complete work so I know that in His plans He wants me abundantly happy and in that He will provide someone for me to love and care for.  But the timing will be His and it will be perfect.

 Until then I will be about my Father's work.