November 29, 2013;

Last night I was reading Proverbs, in all the years I spent reading the Bible I refused to read Proverbs.  And actually for a reason that doesn't hold up now.  Proverbs instructs, it gives wisdom and sometimes, actually a lot of times it uses analogies to make its points.  Sometimes it talked about a "she" in Proverbs and it was very negative and because I had been divorced I would feel like it was talking about me.  Yea, I know, how is it possible that I have the education I have and still be so stupid.....it happens.  Then in Proverbs 31 it talks about this perfect woman that I'm sure I would never attain to so for me it was very defeating and filled with lots of condemnation.  All of which was incorrect and kept me from learning some real wisdom that pertains to our everyday lives and the choices we make. 

Particularly there was a section that spoke about how humility and the fear of the Lord leads to honor, increase and favor.  Now seriously that's pretty basic stuff......if you only look on the surface.  However, what I found was that fear actually means reverential trust, real trust and humility means that I'm giving place to God, I'm putting him first and waiting for him.  So really it means that trusting the Lord and putting him first leads to honor and success and increase in our lives.  Still pretty basic and yet what I finally realized at my age is that I never really wait on God I try so hard to use my own judgment and common sense and I always feel like I'm supposed to step out and just try.  I can not begin to tell you how many things I have screwed up doing that. 

And actually in reading the Word I am learning how many times this specific concept is mentioned.  We are told to trust in the Lord, that he directs our steps, be anxious for nothing but in everything with prayer and supplication make your requests known to God lean not unto your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him.....and the list goes on. 

So what I'm learning is we are going to cast our seed upon the water, we are going to plant seeds everywhere we go in obedience but it is He that brings the increase and the harvest.  Just like the farmer we plant and we wait we water and we wait.  The seed goes through major changes and fights through the earth to get to the sun...it's a miracle of God and so are the plans and expectations He has for us.  They are miracles that if we let Him and we don't go dig up the seed or try to force the growth He will cause to manifest in a way that we never could have. 

So.......I have to stay in humility putting Him first and waiting on Him...and trust Him and his direction and just stay in His presence. 

You know when He finally got me the job of crisis intervention clinician it was a job that allows me to stay with my current employer since she's having health issues and help her.  He loves her too.....what a God.