December 28, 2012

Well my day started with feeding my family, going to work and having a verbal confrontation with my daughter's landlord who for some reason felt cheated that she moved out.  I don't think he's suited to rental income but then again I wouldn' enjoy it either. 

Today I checked my banking account activity and you would think I would know better, alot better.  My middle daughter with her disorder had my bank card for a short time to pay her phone bill.  Seriously, do I have stupid stamped on my forehead? I put money on it I do.  I actually gave her cash to get my mother, her grandmother and her own child something to eat but somehow she thought buying weed superceded the needs of her family.  Why am I always amazed at the next antic she pulls.  Why does it surprise me?  I keep hoping theres a magic pill to make her a good person.  There's not.  Needless to say when I checked my records another small sum was missing while she had the card.  Oh and she didn't do it "I swear mom I didn't do it" well afterall it would be the first time (yea right) and what do I expect I gave it to her, I'm starting to wonder who really has the bigger problem, her because she schizophrenic or me because I keep trying to relate to her like a normal person.  Not sure.

When we finally got her to a decent psychiatrist that had actually studied the newer medications and prescribed them we were thrilled.  All of the psychotic moments, mood swings and most of the impulsive behavior stopped.  However, when it all settles down you are left with the person.  The person's God given personality, moral ethics and preferences.  They're not always good, you find out this person really isn't all that moral a person, the bad choices they make may actually be their own.  I told my oldest daughter there is no pill to take for personality, the drugs only get rid of the psychosis.  It is what it is sometimes. 

I actually got to talk to my best friend today I missed him.  He's goofy he said he was upset over us not talking so he joined a motorcycle group called the sons of anarchy.  Dude, you're watching too much television seriously.  We're like little kids together we talk about everything, mostly he rambles on.  I think the sound of his voice just calms me down.  It's so familiar, so much like home to me.  He's still an ass but that's okay.