March 18, 2013

It's March, and I can't believe it's hot already.  I live in the hottest part of the nation anyway, but does it have to start so early?  Ugghhhh we're already using our air conditioner. 

Noises and things that go bump in the night, or not the night, maybe during the day, maybe while you're walking down your hallway or lying in your  bed.  Voices that whisper your name.  Voices that tell you "you better go check your car I think someone stole it" over and over again, until you do.  Or maybe "you better go turn on off your stove, it's gonna burn down the house" repeatedly even though you didn't cook anything.  Maybe just your conscience making you double check things you should've checked previously and didn't?  Maybe it's your imagination?  Does it stop after you check those things and find out that everything is okay?  No. 

Now you decide to tell the voices they are not real, but they tell you "Yes I am", you keep saying they're not real and the voice keeps arguing.  Finally, you yell "YOU'RE NOT REAL!!!!"  You wait..............silence.............then in a whisper...yes I am.  Is it?  What is this?  Is it demonic oppression?  Demonic possession?  You've been punked?  You don't sleep at night, you hear things, you think things, your mind won't shut down.  What the hell!!!!

Welcome to schizophrenia, it's the things horror movies are made of.  Millions of people in the United States suffer from this disorder.  They won't tell you...you'll think their crazy....are they?  Why?  Don't you talk to yourself?  Are you crazy?

It's stressful, there are migraines and anxiety that come with it.  If you can't get a decent psychiatrist you're stuck on old medications that will slowly poison you and you can still hear the voices.  So you self medicate with weed, being an addict is another disorder within your original disorder, smoking helps, but it hurts at the same time. 

Finally, you are on good medication, your working, taking care of your kids, functioning effectively and then Obama has all the tax rules and income limits on welfare changed.  You know you have to make cutbacks and afterall we want to spend more money on..............who knows.  So the ceiling for qualifying for medical is lowered and even though you were not making 1,800.00 a month as a teacher's aide supporting two kids, you're still too rich to get  the medications that keep you well to work and make your own life.  

Antipsychotics are no joke, they're expensive 200.00 will get you approximately enough for 2 to 3 days cash.  Sanity induced by pharmocology is not cheap.  So you go to the mediCal office and a girl who makes maybe....2500.00 a month tells you she can get you qualified if you would just quit your job and go on social security fulltime.  FUCKING AMAZING!!!  So the government would rather you collect off of them fulltime social security disability than to have you work and make your own life.  If you would just file, they get you your medications so the noises will stop, otherwise you are on you're own. 

On your own, fighting mental illness with drugs so expensive you cannot afford them fighting a mediCal worker who barely graduated highschool and looks like she just got off welfare and is suddenly an authority on the subject.  Meanwhile, you end up taking a ride via an ambulance, to the emergency room to be shipped out to a mental health hospital to get you medication and all of this is cheaper, because after all, you can't pay for the ride, emergency mediCal will pick it up and all of this makes good common sense. 

Sadly, a high functioning schizophrenic is not something that the system can handle.  They believe that a person with this disorder has lost their ability to contribute to society and therefore, should be made to sit at home and be sedated via your tax dollars, now she doesn't want to, she wants to work, but our government thinks she should sit at home and YOU should pay for it otherwise no medicine.  Sounds like discrimination on a huge level.