March 20, 2013

What a wonderful day, the sun was shining, my attitude was good, work looked as though it was going to be relatively easy and then I had plans of going home to continuing homework.  Or so I thought.........

Then apparently the bell rang in my schizophrenic child's brain and she decided to text me for 2 1/2 hours straight.  I had heard the phrase before "man, she's blowing up my phone" but I really didn't know what it meant until today.  Now I understand why people turn their phones off or throw them through plate glass windows. 

Funny thing is when she came over in the morning everything was fine.  She was fine, her kids were fine, today was payday (the light should always go off when you hear that but it didn't this time). 

Parents of adult children with schizophrenia are victims to outbursts like this all the time.  Never quite sure when it will rear its ugly head, there is always this awareness that with the flip of a switch a new personality will come out and spew multiple kinds of anger and hatred at you.  It's very similar to an episode of the exorcism, people always think thats so scarey and OMG she pukes green vomit everywhere, and the way she looks at the people and the hatred and evil that spew from their mouths, yea its like that.  The sad part is that there is a part of the parent that plays the blame game and the other part that says "well its a disorder and this is what they do, itll be over in a few minutes or a few days or after another ambulance ride to the mental health hospital (oh gee how I long for one of those episodes)". 

NO and I say again, NO, I have news for you they know what they are doing and they will predictably do it to the parents because the parents are the only ones that will put up with it and why do you suppose they are willing to do that?  Because they (we) feel guilty that they have to deal with the disorder at all.  They got the disorder by no fault of their own, it is passed down, it is within the genetic framework and any number of things can trigger it off and it usually occurs in early adulthood.  There are cases where it goes as mysteriously as it came.  However, there are other cases in which it comes and stays and deteriorates the brain slowly through the years if allowed. My daughter suffered severe brain trauma in a car accident, it was horrible and this was the end result.

Regardless, in this life we all have things we have to deal with, this is theirs to deal with and in a sense it is ours to make them deal appropriately with it (as much as is possible).  If you pay close attention they normally do not spew off on just anyone its those closest to them.  As parents we have a choice to put them in check, ensure they are getting the help they need, and to be completely honest it's our job to monitor their behavior because we don't want others to be victim to their anger or rage.  We should never hide them from society, lie for them, deceive them, or make excuses for them.  We are to help them deal with it in an open way, address the tough issues and when necessary fight with them to get the help they need, for them to ensure they get the help they need and walk through it with them making sure noone else becomes a casualty of the disorder. 

Last of all, pray because it works, I've seen it.