May 27, 2013;
Memorial Day and I'm going to work, my family is home, I'm getting ready to leave for a residency for a few days and can't wait to leave. I finished my two classes and only have a few more to go then I begin my dissertation work. I'm really not sure that I'm up to the challenge, but I'll never know unless I go for it.
Funny thing when you begin to peel off the layers and get rid of negative hurtful baggage in your life, you start to think clearly, strangely clear. When you finally rid yourself of people around you that want to use you, those that hide behind the "I love yous" that aren't really love, they're just words used to manipulate you into doing whatever it is they want you to do or be for them at whatever moment they "need" you. It's usually that they want some form of validation from you about who they need to hear they are or they just want something in particular from you.
Once those negative draining influences are gone from your life, things get quiet, it's like a clean slate. That's when you find out how much time and energy they stole from you, energy that could have been used to your benefit but was stolen and wasted. That's what the devil does you know, he steals from you, your heart (emotions), your mind (sanity and peace), your resources (energy, creativity, intelligence, etc.) and reduces you to a blithering puddle of tears and confusion. What a way to render you powerless and ineffective, definitely not what God has intended for our lives.
After the dust has cleared and your mind begins to quiet down, clarity comes in, you can actually hear God speak to your mind and your heart. That's when your focus kicks in again, your God given direction. Now, let me tell you, those negative people who were whispering in your ear, "you need to do this..... well, you messed up here....... if you would have listened and done what I said you would be here....... let me tell you what's wrong with you.........you don't listen do you, you keep missing opportunities......". And the best one of all "okay I gave you the "OllieOop" lol, whatever. God is so much bigger. He never talks down to you, he directs your paths and as long as your heart is willing he will lead you to your destiny, just look at Joseph. I'm more than sure if he would have had his way he would have never chosen to go into that pit, or jail.
What's the lesson here, don't listen to people who tell you that you missed it. God never misses it, you can trust him and believe me your so called "friends" miss it all the time. Look hard at the lives of those telling you how wrong you are, usually people who talk that way have lives that are pathetic, they're just trying to hide from onlookers. It's all fake, for popularity's sake, and seriously we got out of highschool a long time ago.
God has joy unspeakable for you, for all of us. We are supposed to be filled with joy and power, so take stock of those influences in your life that are pulling you down, if you are not married to it, get away, if you are, I'm sorry, the choice is definitely yours.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
May 21, 2013,
Personality disorders are interesting, almost everyone has a shade of at least one aspect, some have several attributes (if that's what they should be called) and some are just full blown sociopaths. It's very difficult to tell if someone has serious flaws, ones that are detrimental to you, usually until it's too late and they've already succeeded in inflicting damage. You know the kind, when every time you leave their presence you feel worse than you did before you saw them. And somehow, they succeed in making you feel like the only reason you feel bad is because you are at fault, wrong, inadequate, less than. You walk away from them as though you've been through some type of abuse, that takes days and sometimes months to get over. Then when you are not around them, not by any decision of yours but theirs (you're being punished because you're just not quite good enough)you begin to start to feel better. Your depression leaves, your moods stable out and you start to feel like you are okay again. Until......you talk with them again and they magically do it all over again, dump on you, withhold affection or friendship, give you advice you didn't ask for so that you will do what you should have been doing all along and this is why they just can't accept or love you for who you are. You leave again, demolished and wonder what the hell happened, you felt good before you saw them why do you feel like shit now?
It's pretty awful when someone has the ability to dump all of the insecurities, feelings of failure and anger, and hate on you. Just because they can. Then finally one day after you make the decision to break away from them, because they won't let you get away from them if they can hold on to you, you are the villian. After all, who else is going to be their punching bag and their victim. Who else is going to allow them to inflict damage like that. Who in their right mind is going to allow them that sense of superiority they so need to lord over you. And obviously because they feel in their own spirit they are a failure they need to lord whatever morsal they can use (whether true or not) to pierce your spirit and leave you bleeding.
And why do they think they can do this? Because you loved them and you told them you loved them and you have always put up with their lack of respect and their inconsiderations and their self centeredness. And why did you do that? Because you loved them and they knew it.
Are they capable of really loving us? No. Do they care how they leave people? No. When you finally walk away they are the victim and if you say anything about it???? Then you need psychological help and you should get it and follow up because you have problems, you need help.
This is called manipulation. As a matter of fact there probably is a moment in every time you speak with that person that he or she makes an attempt at manipulation, to either get you to do something, or feed their ego or just use you as a way to pass time, or quite possibly as an emotional and mental punching bag. And if they can't get what they want from you...they withhold their love or friendship as punishment.
This is sick behavior, very sick. But what is worse is putting up with it. What's even worse is when the individual who does this is in a position to influence people or preach from a pulpit.
Now at first you are hurt, devastated because you believe everything the person said. You thought they were "real" you thought they were "genuine". They never were. So you leave yourself wide open and you get hurt.
Heres, the thing. You think noone knows how they are, you think they are pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. They think so too. Then you find out they weren't fooling anyone, except you. It's actually like a drug addict. They think noone knows they're doing drugs. They think they're holding it together on the outside and noone has a clue what's really going on, because afterall, they didn't tell them so how would they know all the flaws?
They think if they wear nice clothes, talk the talk and put on a good show in public noone will ever know. You can put dung in a really nice bag and it's still going to stink. It is what it is.
All the right words can come out of your mouth, but what's really inside of you comes out, its all there right in front of you.
People like that never really love, they never really tell the truth, everything is a show for the moment, its a game a way to pass time and get what they want. And beware these kind come in sheeps clothing, they're talked about in the Bible alot.
Listen carefully when they talk, if you start to feel unsure of yourself or like you're just unworthy, it's not you, their conversation is tearing you down, they're not building you up or loving you, their tongue is sharp, their words don't necessarily sound wrong but their spirit is not bearing witness with your spirit, somethings wrong. Walk away.
Personality disorders are interesting, almost everyone has a shade of at least one aspect, some have several attributes (if that's what they should be called) and some are just full blown sociopaths. It's very difficult to tell if someone has serious flaws, ones that are detrimental to you, usually until it's too late and they've already succeeded in inflicting damage. You know the kind, when every time you leave their presence you feel worse than you did before you saw them. And somehow, they succeed in making you feel like the only reason you feel bad is because you are at fault, wrong, inadequate, less than. You walk away from them as though you've been through some type of abuse, that takes days and sometimes months to get over. Then when you are not around them, not by any decision of yours but theirs (you're being punished because you're just not quite good enough)you begin to start to feel better. Your depression leaves, your moods stable out and you start to feel like you are okay again. Until......you talk with them again and they magically do it all over again, dump on you, withhold affection or friendship, give you advice you didn't ask for so that you will do what you should have been doing all along and this is why they just can't accept or love you for who you are. You leave again, demolished and wonder what the hell happened, you felt good before you saw them why do you feel like shit now?
It's pretty awful when someone has the ability to dump all of the insecurities, feelings of failure and anger, and hate on you. Just because they can. Then finally one day after you make the decision to break away from them, because they won't let you get away from them if they can hold on to you, you are the villian. After all, who else is going to be their punching bag and their victim. Who else is going to allow them to inflict damage like that. Who in their right mind is going to allow them that sense of superiority they so need to lord over you. And obviously because they feel in their own spirit they are a failure they need to lord whatever morsal they can use (whether true or not) to pierce your spirit and leave you bleeding.
And why do they think they can do this? Because you loved them and you told them you loved them and you have always put up with their lack of respect and their inconsiderations and their self centeredness. And why did you do that? Because you loved them and they knew it.
Are they capable of really loving us? No. Do they care how they leave people? No. When you finally walk away they are the victim and if you say anything about it???? Then you need psychological help and you should get it and follow up because you have problems, you need help.
This is called manipulation. As a matter of fact there probably is a moment in every time you speak with that person that he or she makes an attempt at manipulation, to either get you to do something, or feed their ego or just use you as a way to pass time, or quite possibly as an emotional and mental punching bag. And if they can't get what they want from you...they withhold their love or friendship as punishment.
This is sick behavior, very sick. But what is worse is putting up with it. What's even worse is when the individual who does this is in a position to influence people or preach from a pulpit.
Now at first you are hurt, devastated because you believe everything the person said. You thought they were "real" you thought they were "genuine". They never were. So you leave yourself wide open and you get hurt.
Heres, the thing. You think noone knows how they are, you think they are pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. They think so too. Then you find out they weren't fooling anyone, except you. It's actually like a drug addict. They think noone knows they're doing drugs. They think they're holding it together on the outside and noone has a clue what's really going on, because afterall, they didn't tell them so how would they know all the flaws?
They think if they wear nice clothes, talk the talk and put on a good show in public noone will ever know. You can put dung in a really nice bag and it's still going to stink. It is what it is.
All the right words can come out of your mouth, but what's really inside of you comes out, its all there right in front of you.
People like that never really love, they never really tell the truth, everything is a show for the moment, its a game a way to pass time and get what they want. And beware these kind come in sheeps clothing, they're talked about in the Bible alot.
Listen carefully when they talk, if you start to feel unsure of yourself or like you're just unworthy, it's not you, their conversation is tearing you down, they're not building you up or loving you, their tongue is sharp, their words don't necessarily sound wrong but their spirit is not bearing witness with your spirit, somethings wrong. Walk away.
Friday, May 17, 2013
May, 17, 2013;
Well today I saw human nature at it's lowest. Court is an interesting phenomenon, although anything that involves human behavior (which is about everything) is an interesting phenomenon. Hate is a powerful motivator for behavior, even behavior at the expense of other people's well being. Did you know that even though you conduct yourself in a particular manner, you may pretend to be nice, you may pretend to be mean, you may pretend to be a number of things, the real you always comes through.
To prove this point I would conduct my own experiments on human behavior and being able to hide the real you on the inside. I owned a child development center and I was always busy doing things, it could be anything from paperwork, teaching, cleaning, cooking or preparing activities, it really didn't matter I was always busy. I never tried to get close to a child, I never came up to them and made over them or tried to make them my friends. I would always allow the child to feel his or her way around the new environment, explore it, look at everything, say hi to the kids and just get comfortable. I would leave them alone, Iwould supervise them and make sure they were okay, but I would give them plenty of space. Time would go on and always without fail, even though I was distant many times, they knew who to come to, who to cry to, who would protect them and who would love them, always. They knew. I would even experiment with being gruff and impersonal with them to see, and they would just smile at me and go play. They knew my heart. Now they say dogs are the same way, and I'm the same way with dogs and yet those beasts will come to me.
Now, take that lesson and try to be nice, when really in your heart you are not. In your heart, you're angry, you hate people or you're hurt and lash out, or you are just plain selfish and mean. People know. You aren't hiding anything, it comes from your being, it leaks out of your pores, people know.
That brings me back to my original story I went to court and an individual was present, now I took a friend and I didn't say anything, because well, I'm always researching something. When we left, she said that one guy (and she gave a description) he's a jerk. He wants control of her. Yes he's always been a jerk and he's always wanted control. She said you could feel it. She was right, you could. And filled with hate, and told another person he didn't even want the child, he was doing it to get control for another person. Isn't that interesting how the years don't help mature some people. They just get meaner, more selfish and way more hateful. And really the only thing that would make that person happy was if he could kill the woman, her death would satisfy him. Now.......he'd never say that, whhhyyy of course not, but you can feel it, others can feel it. He didn't hide it at all.
It's like demons nashing their teeth, and clawing at a person, they want the person dead. They murmur, they glare, they roll their eyes and they grip the chairs. But inside, their nashing their teeth, their clawing at her skin, they want her dead.
The amazing part is the older they become, the more wicked and nasty their appear. Dirty, dry wrinkled skin, wrinkled clothes and a slovenly appearance. Did you ever watch the movie Death Becomes Her. The two women are dead, they drink a syrum that keeps them looking fresh and young, but when the syrum is gone, they begin to appear dead. Their skin begins to fall, their make-up looks horrible and their flesh begins to peel from their bodies. They think noone knows, they think they're hiding all of the flaws and imperfections. But they're not.
The good news is God is in control and there are many promises in the Bible that cover the righteous and their seed. I saw God move today and I saw wretched little dirty demons, but you know it's okay. I have fought many battles in my life, people that wanted me dead and gone, it never happened, and I always prospered in the end and those that caused the trouble always ended up in bad places. That's the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their children.
Always stay in faith and always keep your hope in God, always. Things don't always turn out in the beginning the way you want, they turn out waaayyy better.
Well today I saw human nature at it's lowest. Court is an interesting phenomenon, although anything that involves human behavior (which is about everything) is an interesting phenomenon. Hate is a powerful motivator for behavior, even behavior at the expense of other people's well being. Did you know that even though you conduct yourself in a particular manner, you may pretend to be nice, you may pretend to be mean, you may pretend to be a number of things, the real you always comes through.
To prove this point I would conduct my own experiments on human behavior and being able to hide the real you on the inside. I owned a child development center and I was always busy doing things, it could be anything from paperwork, teaching, cleaning, cooking or preparing activities, it really didn't matter I was always busy. I never tried to get close to a child, I never came up to them and made over them or tried to make them my friends. I would always allow the child to feel his or her way around the new environment, explore it, look at everything, say hi to the kids and just get comfortable. I would leave them alone, Iwould supervise them and make sure they were okay, but I would give them plenty of space. Time would go on and always without fail, even though I was distant many times, they knew who to come to, who to cry to, who would protect them and who would love them, always. They knew. I would even experiment with being gruff and impersonal with them to see, and they would just smile at me and go play. They knew my heart. Now they say dogs are the same way, and I'm the same way with dogs and yet those beasts will come to me.
Now, take that lesson and try to be nice, when really in your heart you are not. In your heart, you're angry, you hate people or you're hurt and lash out, or you are just plain selfish and mean. People know. You aren't hiding anything, it comes from your being, it leaks out of your pores, people know.
That brings me back to my original story I went to court and an individual was present, now I took a friend and I didn't say anything, because well, I'm always researching something. When we left, she said that one guy (and she gave a description) he's a jerk. He wants control of her. Yes he's always been a jerk and he's always wanted control. She said you could feel it. She was right, you could. And filled with hate, and told another person he didn't even want the child, he was doing it to get control for another person. Isn't that interesting how the years don't help mature some people. They just get meaner, more selfish and way more hateful. And really the only thing that would make that person happy was if he could kill the woman, her death would satisfy him. Now.......he'd never say that, whhhyyy of course not, but you can feel it, others can feel it. He didn't hide it at all.
It's like demons nashing their teeth, and clawing at a person, they want the person dead. They murmur, they glare, they roll their eyes and they grip the chairs. But inside, their nashing their teeth, their clawing at her skin, they want her dead.
The amazing part is the older they become, the more wicked and nasty their appear. Dirty, dry wrinkled skin, wrinkled clothes and a slovenly appearance. Did you ever watch the movie Death Becomes Her. The two women are dead, they drink a syrum that keeps them looking fresh and young, but when the syrum is gone, they begin to appear dead. Their skin begins to fall, their make-up looks horrible and their flesh begins to peel from their bodies. They think noone knows, they think they're hiding all of the flaws and imperfections. But they're not.
The good news is God is in control and there are many promises in the Bible that cover the righteous and their seed. I saw God move today and I saw wretched little dirty demons, but you know it's okay. I have fought many battles in my life, people that wanted me dead and gone, it never happened, and I always prospered in the end and those that caused the trouble always ended up in bad places. That's the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their children.
Always stay in faith and always keep your hope in God, always. Things don't always turn out in the beginning the way you want, they turn out waaayyy better.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
May 12, 2013
So I was forced to follow my own advice and I found that it wasn't easy and didn't feel good, but it was definitely necessary. I certainly understand now how difficult it is to listen to me lol.
I attended a leadercast that was filled with top speakers on motivation, discipline, pruning the bad stuff and clutter from your life, learning to speak your mind in a productive way, learning to deal with those things that take your focus, and learning what your focus is and how to stay going in the right direction.
One of the hardest things they discussed was pruning things from you life that are not productive and continually drain on your resources. There are those things in your life that are for a lifetime and those things in your life that are only for a season. We tend to get attached to the seasonal things and make the mistake of thinking they are lifetime things, and then wonder why they continual zap our focus, peace, strength and drain us. They discussed hoarders and how they don't want to get rid of anything even if it hasn't been used in 10 years. They're afraid and they are afraid because if they get rid of something they're afraid they won't be able to get it again and everything will crumble for them. But I think we are that way with relationships, we hold on to them or allow them to hold on to us out of fear. What if noone else ever loves us, what if that person is right and we really are horrible and unloveable and we should be glad they're generous enough to love us because noone else will. So if they only give us crumbs, when they feel like it we should be grateful and understand that's all they can give and it's really all we deserve.
Well, that's a lie from the pit of hell, and sadly he is using that person to hurt you and belittle you. Now sometimes it's a person, it could be a job, an old car, a habit just anything. Our minds get so filled and cluttered with things we haven't taken care or things someone has continually said to you to upset you, or a relationship that just isn't what it was. One of the hardest things we will ever do is to prune dead stuff from out lives. But you have to sit down, clear your mind and decide what you focus is going to be and then decide what things in your life are destroying you by working against you. Get rid of them. It's hard.
When you are striving for your personal best in every area, this becomes necessary. I found that there are so many areas in my life that need to be pruned, it's hard but it will pay off.
So I was forced to follow my own advice and I found that it wasn't easy and didn't feel good, but it was definitely necessary. I certainly understand now how difficult it is to listen to me lol.
I attended a leadercast that was filled with top speakers on motivation, discipline, pruning the bad stuff and clutter from your life, learning to speak your mind in a productive way, learning to deal with those things that take your focus, and learning what your focus is and how to stay going in the right direction.
One of the hardest things they discussed was pruning things from you life that are not productive and continually drain on your resources. There are those things in your life that are for a lifetime and those things in your life that are only for a season. We tend to get attached to the seasonal things and make the mistake of thinking they are lifetime things, and then wonder why they continual zap our focus, peace, strength and drain us. They discussed hoarders and how they don't want to get rid of anything even if it hasn't been used in 10 years. They're afraid and they are afraid because if they get rid of something they're afraid they won't be able to get it again and everything will crumble for them. But I think we are that way with relationships, we hold on to them or allow them to hold on to us out of fear. What if noone else ever loves us, what if that person is right and we really are horrible and unloveable and we should be glad they're generous enough to love us because noone else will. So if they only give us crumbs, when they feel like it we should be grateful and understand that's all they can give and it's really all we deserve.
Well, that's a lie from the pit of hell, and sadly he is using that person to hurt you and belittle you. Now sometimes it's a person, it could be a job, an old car, a habit just anything. Our minds get so filled and cluttered with things we haven't taken care or things someone has continually said to you to upset you, or a relationship that just isn't what it was. One of the hardest things we will ever do is to prune dead stuff from out lives. But you have to sit down, clear your mind and decide what you focus is going to be and then decide what things in your life are destroying you by working against you. Get rid of them. It's hard.
When you are striving for your personal best in every area, this becomes necessary. I found that there are so many areas in my life that need to be pruned, it's hard but it will pay off.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
May 10, 2013;
So my daughter was in the hospital for the "flu" dehydration, and the list goes on. The nurses put a note on the door that people should be careful since the patient has a virus. Okay, she wasn't on her medications for about a week, then she was put on new medications (antipsychotics) by a NEW psychiatrist (isn't the county lovely) who decides that he does not medicate for anxiety disorder, he doesn't believe in it, oh and yea she doesn't need her other meds, she'll go to sleep eventually. She hadn't slept in a week.
It was almost like he got his phd in a cracker jack box. I kinda think he did. So he decides to rediagnose her, she's not schizophrenic, she's bipolar schizoaffective. Okay, really? So he leaves her on limictol but takes everything else away, no anxiety medicine and off she goes. Mind you this is before the hospital stay. So she's in the hospital, throwing up, diarehea, dizzy, skin crawling and now she's twitching. I went next door to her medical doctor and I asked them seriously you guys can't figure out side effects? You don't know side effects from drugs when you see them, give her back her correct medications, give her the anxiety medication and I guarantee she will have a miraculous recovery from her "flu". So the doctor called the psychiatrist and his solution?? Ship her out 5150. Yea, I said it, ship her out 5150 because afterall he made her that way, he took her off the right medications so he should know.
Really. The general medical doctor said, no, she's twitching and having side effects, she needs her regular antipsychotics you took her off of them cold turkey and she's having allergic reactions to the limictol. So he finally agreed and I'm sure it took brain surgery and repeating a few classes before he could make the right decision.
Behold, within a few hours her flu mysteriously disappeared. Her throwing up ceased and what do you know, she stopped twitching. Amazing!! She was released.
Is it possible that some of the patients being shipped from our community 5150 are patients that are being incorrectly diagnosed and given wrong medications? In my small community???? More than just a small possibility, more than likely.
Why is it like this here, why is this community straight out of Alice n Wonderlands drugged up fantasy? I have a theory, I don't really know how good a theory, but I have a theory. Vast amounts of insecticide are poured into the valley by plane in the air, through ditches in the water, and on the ground. We live in a bowl shaped valley, I personally think people have inhaled too deeply for too long.
Or is it possible that our community is so remote that other citizens of our state refuse to come here and only those who cannot get employment in the real world come here. So what about the rest of us? Some families move here and the parents die and leave the children to fend for themselves. Why am I here? I'm trying to get out and go anywhere.
You might be saying to yourselves what about your community you should affect change in it. They don't want change, all you have to do is talk to them, they don't want it. It's very sad that the community of citizens are left with substandard care and the community leaders really don't care. It's bad enough that there are no jobs here and that more than half the population lives at or below poverty level. It's a very small prison community that was once thriving and now has more empty buildings than any community should.
I don't have the answers.
So my daughter was in the hospital for the "flu" dehydration, and the list goes on. The nurses put a note on the door that people should be careful since the patient has a virus. Okay, she wasn't on her medications for about a week, then she was put on new medications (antipsychotics) by a NEW psychiatrist (isn't the county lovely) who decides that he does not medicate for anxiety disorder, he doesn't believe in it, oh and yea she doesn't need her other meds, she'll go to sleep eventually. She hadn't slept in a week.
It was almost like he got his phd in a cracker jack box. I kinda think he did. So he decides to rediagnose her, she's not schizophrenic, she's bipolar schizoaffective. Okay, really? So he leaves her on limictol but takes everything else away, no anxiety medicine and off she goes. Mind you this is before the hospital stay. So she's in the hospital, throwing up, diarehea, dizzy, skin crawling and now she's twitching. I went next door to her medical doctor and I asked them seriously you guys can't figure out side effects? You don't know side effects from drugs when you see them, give her back her correct medications, give her the anxiety medication and I guarantee she will have a miraculous recovery from her "flu". So the doctor called the psychiatrist and his solution?? Ship her out 5150. Yea, I said it, ship her out 5150 because afterall he made her that way, he took her off the right medications so he should know.
Really. The general medical doctor said, no, she's twitching and having side effects, she needs her regular antipsychotics you took her off of them cold turkey and she's having allergic reactions to the limictol. So he finally agreed and I'm sure it took brain surgery and repeating a few classes before he could make the right decision.
Behold, within a few hours her flu mysteriously disappeared. Her throwing up ceased and what do you know, she stopped twitching. Amazing!! She was released.
Is it possible that some of the patients being shipped from our community 5150 are patients that are being incorrectly diagnosed and given wrong medications? In my small community???? More than just a small possibility, more than likely.
Why is it like this here, why is this community straight out of Alice n Wonderlands drugged up fantasy? I have a theory, I don't really know how good a theory, but I have a theory. Vast amounts of insecticide are poured into the valley by plane in the air, through ditches in the water, and on the ground. We live in a bowl shaped valley, I personally think people have inhaled too deeply for too long.
Or is it possible that our community is so remote that other citizens of our state refuse to come here and only those who cannot get employment in the real world come here. So what about the rest of us? Some families move here and the parents die and leave the children to fend for themselves. Why am I here? I'm trying to get out and go anywhere.
You might be saying to yourselves what about your community you should affect change in it. They don't want change, all you have to do is talk to them, they don't want it. It's very sad that the community of citizens are left with substandard care and the community leaders really don't care. It's bad enough that there are no jobs here and that more than half the population lives at or below poverty level. It's a very small prison community that was once thriving and now has more empty buildings than any community should.
I don't have the answers.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
May 9, 2013
There has been much conversation about soul mates, some of it positive and some of it not so positive. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I've read material on it and I know it exists but I'm not sure if its healthy or not. It is my understanding that you can't choose your soul mate, it just happens or it doesn't. Regardless of what situation you may find yourself in or who you may be with you could actually meet your soul mate. One article went so far as to say that you can have more than one soul mate, not at the same time, but over a lifetime. I'm not sure I buy into that either.
Here's my dilemma, I've read situations in which a person felt he found his soulmate but she was married to someone else. I've seen situations in which a person pursued an individual he believed was his soulmate and yet he was married and then the person he pursued eventually believed he was her soulmate and yet he stayed with the other person, leaving the person he pursued a wreck.
Okay, so how are these soulmates then? I've even read that your soulmate doesn't always make you happy, in fact they may frustrate you, annoy you and even disappoint you, possibly betray you. So again, I have to ask how are these soulmates then?
Is it possible that people have created soul ties instead of being soulmates? A soul tie is an unhealthy spiritual connection between two people, a bond if you will, something that becomes very difficult to break even if it is unhealthy. Soul ties do not always have to be between a man and woman, it can be between a man and son, mother and son, or any number of combinations. Basically, it is a tie made between two people that excludes all others, sometimes in an unhealthy way in which deceptions are plotted and lies are told, secrets kept.
Is it then possible that what we want to consider a soulmate is really a soul tie, an unhealthy connection between two people in which quite possibly one person is being drained, manipulated, hurt, isolated, left or even used? I argue that soul ties can be initiated by one person towards another person for their own benefit.
Now that doesn't mean that every person who says they have met their soulmate hasn't. I just believe that it means that soulmates don't treat each other that way. They don't disregard each other, they take each other's feelings into consideration. They want to be together, they prefer each other's company and not for just a little while but a lifetime. I don't believe that a soulmate would use the other person for their own gain, or entertainment or if they are lonely for a moment or just to feel a need for a while.
So what happens when an unhealthy attachment has been made, when one person seems to benefit more from the relationship at the expense of the other person? It almost turns into an addiction, like a drug that you have to quit cold turkey. A relationship should be mutually satisfying between two adults, it meets both of their needs, it nurtures both parties not just one.
If the relationship isn't mutually satisfying and you haven't made the mistake of marrying the person yet get out. If you married the person, get some damn good counseling and pray, pray alot.
There has been much conversation about soul mates, some of it positive and some of it not so positive. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I've read material on it and I know it exists but I'm not sure if its healthy or not. It is my understanding that you can't choose your soul mate, it just happens or it doesn't. Regardless of what situation you may find yourself in or who you may be with you could actually meet your soul mate. One article went so far as to say that you can have more than one soul mate, not at the same time, but over a lifetime. I'm not sure I buy into that either.
Here's my dilemma, I've read situations in which a person felt he found his soulmate but she was married to someone else. I've seen situations in which a person pursued an individual he believed was his soulmate and yet he was married and then the person he pursued eventually believed he was her soulmate and yet he stayed with the other person, leaving the person he pursued a wreck.
Okay, so how are these soulmates then? I've even read that your soulmate doesn't always make you happy, in fact they may frustrate you, annoy you and even disappoint you, possibly betray you. So again, I have to ask how are these soulmates then?
Is it possible that people have created soul ties instead of being soulmates? A soul tie is an unhealthy spiritual connection between two people, a bond if you will, something that becomes very difficult to break even if it is unhealthy. Soul ties do not always have to be between a man and woman, it can be between a man and son, mother and son, or any number of combinations. Basically, it is a tie made between two people that excludes all others, sometimes in an unhealthy way in which deceptions are plotted and lies are told, secrets kept.
Is it then possible that what we want to consider a soulmate is really a soul tie, an unhealthy connection between two people in which quite possibly one person is being drained, manipulated, hurt, isolated, left or even used? I argue that soul ties can be initiated by one person towards another person for their own benefit.
Now that doesn't mean that every person who says they have met their soulmate hasn't. I just believe that it means that soulmates don't treat each other that way. They don't disregard each other, they take each other's feelings into consideration. They want to be together, they prefer each other's company and not for just a little while but a lifetime. I don't believe that a soulmate would use the other person for their own gain, or entertainment or if they are lonely for a moment or just to feel a need for a while.
So what happens when an unhealthy attachment has been made, when one person seems to benefit more from the relationship at the expense of the other person? It almost turns into an addiction, like a drug that you have to quit cold turkey. A relationship should be mutually satisfying between two adults, it meets both of their needs, it nurtures both parties not just one.
If the relationship isn't mutually satisfying and you haven't made the mistake of marrying the person yet get out. If you married the person, get some damn good counseling and pray, pray alot.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
May 5, 2013;
Life, it didn't turn out the way I thought. When I was around twenty years old I never thought I would have children, I didn't want to have children, I didn't want to be married. I was raised by people who were born around the turn of the last century, before televisions, cell phones, all kinds of things. Life was very simple for them and very strict. Sex was referred to as consumating a marriage, you know really that just sucks. I thought she was talking about soup or something when I got married and she asked if I had consumated my marriage. Of course I didn't answer, how could I, we didn't eat soup.
Then I had one child, I suppose there was some sort of biological desire to have children, or maybe it was something I hadn't done and why not, I'm not really sure why but I got pregnant. Child birth wasn't easy and I didn't look forward to ever doing it again. Apparently I didn't produce the hormone required to go into labor. My grandmother said if they would've just allowed me to stay in the pregnancy I would have eventually had the child, of course the placenta was already deteriorating since I was already three weeks late, and the child would have been dead and the poison would've killed me, but she believed it would've happened somehow.
My life reads like Lemony Snickets (I have no idea how to spell it) series of unfortunate events, when I finally found a way for it all to stop, my children picked up where I apparently left off. I'm not sure why I was put here, or what I'm supposed to do with it. You would think by now I would know, people around me think I've got it all together (shows the crowd I'm hangin with doesn't it). Have you ever wanted to scream "DO OVER" and then have God transplant you to another place or time, just anything, anywhere. Have you ever wondered why things are the way they are? I do alot.
I wonder why people act like they do, I wonder why I act like I do. I wonder how it is that even though I am very careful not to say anything, the way I feel about certain things gets transferred to my children and they struggle with the same things. Is it a coincidence? I believe that it's evidence of spiritual influences that dominate our lives. Have you ever wondered why when you ask God for something, you don't get the things you've asked for? It could be removing something from your life, it could be receiving something into your life, why? The bible says He will not withhold any good thing from us, what does that mean? Is that why some things aren't removed? Are they good? Well, I got tired of asking and decided to just give into it and go with the flow, just let whatever happens happen, quite possibly to my demise and I figure oh well, then it'd be done wouldn't it.
I suppose that statement could be for anything, including some really bad habits, but I believe God wants us free and whatever road we have to travel down to get there then thats the road we will travel. Sometimes I don't have the courage to travel it, but I'm not really seeing any options and I'm pretty much open to suggestions and new opportunities, amazingly God has me right here, hmmm.
Life, it didn't turn out the way I thought. When I was around twenty years old I never thought I would have children, I didn't want to have children, I didn't want to be married. I was raised by people who were born around the turn of the last century, before televisions, cell phones, all kinds of things. Life was very simple for them and very strict. Sex was referred to as consumating a marriage, you know really that just sucks. I thought she was talking about soup or something when I got married and she asked if I had consumated my marriage. Of course I didn't answer, how could I, we didn't eat soup.
Then I had one child, I suppose there was some sort of biological desire to have children, or maybe it was something I hadn't done and why not, I'm not really sure why but I got pregnant. Child birth wasn't easy and I didn't look forward to ever doing it again. Apparently I didn't produce the hormone required to go into labor. My grandmother said if they would've just allowed me to stay in the pregnancy I would have eventually had the child, of course the placenta was already deteriorating since I was already three weeks late, and the child would have been dead and the poison would've killed me, but she believed it would've happened somehow.
My life reads like Lemony Snickets (I have no idea how to spell it) series of unfortunate events, when I finally found a way for it all to stop, my children picked up where I apparently left off. I'm not sure why I was put here, or what I'm supposed to do with it. You would think by now I would know, people around me think I've got it all together (shows the crowd I'm hangin with doesn't it). Have you ever wanted to scream "DO OVER" and then have God transplant you to another place or time, just anything, anywhere. Have you ever wondered why things are the way they are? I do alot.
I wonder why people act like they do, I wonder why I act like I do. I wonder how it is that even though I am very careful not to say anything, the way I feel about certain things gets transferred to my children and they struggle with the same things. Is it a coincidence? I believe that it's evidence of spiritual influences that dominate our lives. Have you ever wondered why when you ask God for something, you don't get the things you've asked for? It could be removing something from your life, it could be receiving something into your life, why? The bible says He will not withhold any good thing from us, what does that mean? Is that why some things aren't removed? Are they good? Well, I got tired of asking and decided to just give into it and go with the flow, just let whatever happens happen, quite possibly to my demise and I figure oh well, then it'd be done wouldn't it.
I suppose that statement could be for anything, including some really bad habits, but I believe God wants us free and whatever road we have to travel down to get there then thats the road we will travel. Sometimes I don't have the courage to travel it, but I'm not really seeing any options and I'm pretty much open to suggestions and new opportunities, amazingly God has me right here, hmmm.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
May 1, 2013;
Have you ever looked into someone's face and felt them, their soul just touched your soul and you just knew. Everything else you were looking at just wasn't the right fit. Now they're not perfect you know them well enough to know they will drive you crazy and probably give you a coronary but you just knew if you didn't take every opportunity to love them and be with them you would regret it for the rest of your life.
Well, it's an interesting place to find yourself in, knowing the person well enough to weigh the good and the bad and know that if they weren't in your life it would be devastating. Love is a phenomenon that I know very little about. I know it changes, it mellows, it grows, it never stays the same. Sometimes its so bad you just want to become a nun or quite possibly a monk in Tibet, but somehow even if you don't express it and take a chance of losing, you lose anyway.
Love isn't fair, it isn't what's in fairy tales, it isn't simple, sometimes it isn't easy and you can spend your life either trying to avoid it or trying to find the one. Some people find that person, some people spend their lives looking for that person, sometimes they find that person and the timing is bad, and sometimes they spend their lives going in and out of relationships trying to imitate what they know exists but they just can't lay hold of.
How is it possible that it would be easy and convenient anyway. You're talking about finding the one person that fits you, the one person that will work through who you are and still love you no matter what. No matter what you've been through, who you turned out to be, quite possibly how angry you turned out to be because of what you went through. I have read and heard it spoken many times that love is a choice that you make. It isn't. You don't choose to love your children, you just do. And there are those children who have parents who don't love them, they don't like being parents and they don't like their children and no matter what they do, they just don't. I lived in a marriage and I was told repeatedly love is a choice a decision. Okay, so I made the decision to love him..................so I'm divorced. I tried, I really tried, I tried for an eternity, and then he wanted to sleep with me OMG, I'm being nice, making the right choice but really? There's just no way to fake that in bed. You can say please and thank you all you want but seriously.....no.
Then you find the one, you see him, you both know and the timing is all wrong. The perfect fit, the person that will drive you crazy, touch your heart, infuriate you and pull the child in your being to the forefront. I have read love stories from different people in history who shared great love and were not able to be completely together. They admired each other, they loved one another and remained in love until death and yet were unable to be completely together. How painful. So what do you do? Well the right thing to do is walk away so you try, its the equivalent of being sick like turning into the walking dead for long periods of time. Then you spend time with them and you are suddenly revived, actually brought back to the living and all it took was just one touch. How is that possible? How is it possible that year after year goes by and still the mere sight or sound of him reaches your core being?
I don't understand this, there is no explanation that makes sense and if you pray to God to take it away and he does not and this person keeps coming back, and when he does your heart beats again, I guess you love them, your pursue them since after all they hold your very heartbeat and you hold on to them until you are gone. If you don't life plays funny tricks on you, you age, you get older, time passes.
Have you ever looked into someone's face and felt them, their soul just touched your soul and you just knew. Everything else you were looking at just wasn't the right fit. Now they're not perfect you know them well enough to know they will drive you crazy and probably give you a coronary but you just knew if you didn't take every opportunity to love them and be with them you would regret it for the rest of your life.
Well, it's an interesting place to find yourself in, knowing the person well enough to weigh the good and the bad and know that if they weren't in your life it would be devastating. Love is a phenomenon that I know very little about. I know it changes, it mellows, it grows, it never stays the same. Sometimes its so bad you just want to become a nun or quite possibly a monk in Tibet, but somehow even if you don't express it and take a chance of losing, you lose anyway.
Love isn't fair, it isn't what's in fairy tales, it isn't simple, sometimes it isn't easy and you can spend your life either trying to avoid it or trying to find the one. Some people find that person, some people spend their lives looking for that person, sometimes they find that person and the timing is bad, and sometimes they spend their lives going in and out of relationships trying to imitate what they know exists but they just can't lay hold of.
How is it possible that it would be easy and convenient anyway. You're talking about finding the one person that fits you, the one person that will work through who you are and still love you no matter what. No matter what you've been through, who you turned out to be, quite possibly how angry you turned out to be because of what you went through. I have read and heard it spoken many times that love is a choice that you make. It isn't. You don't choose to love your children, you just do. And there are those children who have parents who don't love them, they don't like being parents and they don't like their children and no matter what they do, they just don't. I lived in a marriage and I was told repeatedly love is a choice a decision. Okay, so I made the decision to love him..................so I'm divorced. I tried, I really tried, I tried for an eternity, and then he wanted to sleep with me OMG, I'm being nice, making the right choice but really? There's just no way to fake that in bed. You can say please and thank you all you want but seriously.....no.
Then you find the one, you see him, you both know and the timing is all wrong. The perfect fit, the person that will drive you crazy, touch your heart, infuriate you and pull the child in your being to the forefront. I have read love stories from different people in history who shared great love and were not able to be completely together. They admired each other, they loved one another and remained in love until death and yet were unable to be completely together. How painful. So what do you do? Well the right thing to do is walk away so you try, its the equivalent of being sick like turning into the walking dead for long periods of time. Then you spend time with them and you are suddenly revived, actually brought back to the living and all it took was just one touch. How is that possible? How is it possible that year after year goes by and still the mere sight or sound of him reaches your core being?
I don't understand this, there is no explanation that makes sense and if you pray to God to take it away and he does not and this person keeps coming back, and when he does your heart beats again, I guess you love them, your pursue them since after all they hold your very heartbeat and you hold on to them until you are gone. If you don't life plays funny tricks on you, you age, you get older, time passes.
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