May 9, 2013

There has been much conversation about soul mates, some of it positive and some of it not so positive.  I'm not quite sure what to make of it.  I've read material on it and I know it exists but I'm not sure if its healthy or not.  It is my understanding that you can't choose your soul mate, it just happens or it doesn't.  Regardless of what situation you may find yourself in or who you may be with you could actually meet your soul mate.  One article went so far as to say that you can have more than one soul mate, not at the same time, but over a lifetime.  I'm not sure I buy into that either.

Here's my dilemma, I've read situations in which a person felt he found his soulmate but she was married to someone else.  I've seen situations in which a person pursued an individual he believed was his soulmate and yet he was married and then the person he pursued eventually believed he was her soulmate and yet he stayed with the other person, leaving the person he pursued a wreck. 

Okay, so how are these soulmates then?  I've even read that your soulmate doesn't always make you happy, in fact they may frustrate you, annoy you and even disappoint you, possibly betray you.  So again,  I have to ask how are these soulmates then?

Is it possible that people have created soul ties instead of being soulmates?  A soul tie is an unhealthy spiritual connection between two people, a bond if you will, something that becomes very difficult to break even if it is unhealthy.  Soul ties do not always have to be between a man and woman, it can be between a man and son, mother and son, or any number of combinations.  Basically, it is a tie made between two people that excludes all others, sometimes in an unhealthy way in which deceptions are plotted and lies are told, secrets kept. 

Is it then possible that what we want to consider a soulmate is really a soul tie, an unhealthy connection between two people in which quite possibly one person is being drained, manipulated, hurt, isolated, left or even used?  I argue that soul ties can be initiated by one person towards another person for their own benefit.

Now that doesn't mean that every person who says they have met their soulmate hasn't.  I just believe that it means that soulmates don't treat each other that way.  They don't disregard each other, they take each other's feelings into consideration.  They want to be together, they prefer each other's company and not for just a little while but a lifetime.  I don't believe that a soulmate would use the other person for their own gain, or entertainment or if they are lonely for a moment or just to feel a need for a while. 

So what happens when an unhealthy attachment has been made, when one person seems to benefit more from the relationship at the expense of the other person?  It almost turns into an addiction, like a drug that you have to quit cold turkey.  A relationship should be mutually satisfying between two adults, it meets both of their needs, it nurtures both parties not just one. 

If the relationship isn't mutually satisfying and you haven't made the mistake of marrying the person yet get out.  If you married the person, get some damn good counseling and pray, pray alot.