May 21, 2013,

Personality disorders are interesting, almost everyone has a shade of at least one aspect, some have several attributes (if that's what they should be called) and some are just full blown sociopaths.  It's very difficult to tell if someone has serious flaws, ones that are detrimental to you, usually until it's too late and they've already succeeded in inflicting damage.  You know the kind, when every time you leave their presence you feel worse than you did before you saw them.  And somehow, they succeed in making you feel like the only reason you feel bad is because you are at fault, wrong, inadequate, less than.  You walk away from them as though you've been through some type of abuse, that takes days and sometimes months to get over.  Then when you are not around them, not by any decision of yours but theirs (you're being punished because you're just not quite good enough)you begin to start to feel better.  Your depression leaves, your moods stable out and you start to feel like you are okay again. Until......you talk with them again and they magically do it all over again, dump on you, withhold affection or friendship, give you advice you didn't ask for so that you will do what you should have been doing all along and this is why they just can't accept or love you for who you are.  You leave again, demolished and wonder what the hell happened, you felt good before you saw them why do you feel like shit now?

It's pretty awful when someone has the ability to dump all of the insecurities, feelings of failure and anger, and hate on you.  Just because they can.  Then finally one day after you make the decision to break away from them, because they won't let you get away from them if they can hold on to you, you are the villian.  After all, who else is going to be their punching bag and their victim.  Who else is going to allow them to inflict damage like that.  Who in their right mind is going to allow them that sense of superiority they so need to lord over you.  And obviously because they feel in their own spirit they are a failure they need to lord whatever morsal they can use (whether true or not) to pierce your spirit and leave you bleeding. 

And why do they think they can do this?  Because you loved them and you told them you loved them and you have always put up with their lack of respect and their inconsiderations and their self centeredness.  And why did you do that?  Because you loved them and they knew it. 

Are they capable of really loving us? No.  Do they care how they leave people?  No.  When you finally walk away they are the victim and if you say anything about it????  Then you need psychological help and you should get it and follow up because you have problems, you need help.

This is called manipulation.  As a matter of fact there  probably is a moment in every time you speak with that person that he or she makes an attempt at manipulation, to either get you to do something, or feed their ego or just use you as a way to pass time, or quite possibly as an emotional and mental punching bag.  And if they can't get what they want from you...they withhold their love or friendship as punishment. 

This is sick behavior, very sick.  But what is worse is putting up with it.  What's even worse is when the individual who does this is in a position to influence people or preach from a pulpit. 

Now at first you are hurt, devastated because you believe everything the person said.  You thought they were "real" you thought they were "genuine".  They never were.  So you leave yourself wide open and you get hurt. 

Heres, the thing.  You think noone knows how they are, you think they are pulling the wool over everyone's eyes.  They think so too.  Then you find out they weren't fooling anyone, except you.  It's actually like a drug addict.  They think noone knows they're doing drugs.  They think they're holding it together on the outside and noone has a clue what's really going on, because afterall, they didn't tell them so how would they know all the flaws?

They think if they wear nice clothes, talk the talk and put on a good show in public noone will ever know.  You can put dung in a really nice bag and it's still going to stink.  It is what it is. 

All the right words can come out of your mouth, but what's really inside of you comes out, its all there right in front of you.

People like that never really love, they never really tell the truth, everything is a show for the moment, its a game a way to pass time and get what they want.  And beware these kind come in sheeps clothing, they're talked about in the Bible alot. 

Listen carefully when they talk, if you start to feel unsure of yourself or like you're just unworthy, it's not you, their conversation is tearing you down, they're not building you up or loving you, their tongue is sharp, their words don't necessarily sound wrong but their spirit is not bearing witness with your spirit, somethings wrong.  Walk away.