January 13, 2014;


Well, lets see I talked to my daughter who's in jail today, actually it was really nice.  I haven't heard her sound this good in years. 


I spoke to my oldest daughter today who just had surgery this afternoon, third surgery on her back.  I'm really hoping this one will take, the others didn't. She's in pain but she's talking that's a start.


I'm not speaking to my middle daughter after we got into a an intense argument over her lack of respect for me and my property.  An argument that ended with her spitting at me.  Yea that was awesome.  It's a real adventure, my life.  Schizophrenia is no joke.  Magically, tonight she's sleeping which indicates she has taken her meds.  I'm supposed to get excited that she took her meds for one night.  Whatever.......time for her to find a place of her own. 


And finally, I worked on my dissertation.  I should actually have enough material to write my own and cite myself. 


I'm finally off call for a week from my other job and my old job that I still help out at is hiring their daughter in law to help post.  This is a person that cannot fill out a deposit slip or write a check by herself.  My boss who can't get out of bed and function completely is going to help this person and I have to try to work within this situation.  It just gets better and better.


I'm not quite sure if God is getting ready to do something totally wonderful??????? or if I did something totally awful and I'm reaping my rewards......I don't remember it ever being this hard. 


I used to think if only I could find a person to have a nice relationship with.  Now I think....I hope I have enough gas to get as far away from here as possible.  And the saddest part is I went to a crisis call with a person and they were falling apart, having a complete meltdown, crying and wailing.  All because their life had stressed them out.  And what was wrong????????? Their neighbors and the cats....oh and some old memories they couldn't get over.  I couldn't believe it.  I didn't say anything all I could think was wow, if I told you what was going on in my life you would commit suicide.  I'm supposed to provide help and assess someone who's got it easier than I do an they're in crisis.  I wanted to congratulate the person for having it so good. 


I'm barely coming out of the fog of Christmas, being sick for a month, the death of a friend, the funeral of someone else, my daughter who's officially MIA and a new job.  And to be honest I don't have it bad, there are bad moments but I don't have it bad.  When I watched the video of the girl who had spent most of her life in prison and the other part being raped and beat, I knew I don't have it bad and I have God and He will turn all of it around.  So I have God and I have Hope I have jobs and I have a home.  And to be honest I love my kids and I love my grandkids.  So I'm blessed.