Jan 4, 2014;

Last year has been the hardest year of my life with probably the most loss I have felt.  You would think that a divorce would be so devastating with such a feeling of loss or possibly the loss of a business but I have to say that I have never experienced in my life this type of loss. 

I am one of those parents whose child's life was taken over by meth.  Meth is demonic and I say that in full knowledge of what that means...and I mean it.  It leads you into a path of destruction and low self esteem you make decisions that people think how is that even possible.  Needless to say jail has been included.  I always wondered how parents dealt with this kind of destruction that takes a toll on not only the child but the entire family.  You blame yourself over and over and you look for the areas you blew it in as a parent but it doesn't stop there.  The entire family goes through the same feelings of blame and responsibility, areas where you are sure you failed the person.  Then the family starts ripping each other apart blaming one another and just plain being at a loss.  You feel like the person died.  Of course there is the shame and humiliation, but you finally realize that anyone worth being your friend has enough class to have dignity, the others aren't worth your time, they never were.  Then you find friends, real friends in unlikely places.  And favor where you never knew there was any. 

My daughter will recover and life will get better, this too shall pass and God will restore everything in a much better way but it will be a journey.  Thank God I have Him.

Then I lost a very close friend and that's been devastating, she would have been the one I would have confided in and prayed with all through this hideous process, but she's gone now. 

Then I played the piano for two funerals and found out the pastor that pulled me back into playing retired Christmas Eve. 

My oldest is scheduled for surgery on the 14th, it's her third back surgery and I'm really hoping it all goes well and she gets to resume her life in a healthy way!!!!!

And I started a new job as a crisis clinician (go figure), so December was a lot of stress it left me feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under me and at the same time I really felt like God carried me through.  I thought I had been through it before but I have never felt this before.  I have a new appreciation for families that go through this devastation.