December 6, 2013;

I'm exhausted.  The new job is an adventure I'm excited for all the training and the experience I think it'll be a real challenge.  Meanwhile the drive is probably the most eventful part of the day I worked and actually still work agriculture so I know the surrounding farms and the harvest company that's picking the cotton.  I can say in all honesty that I miss them.  The drive is pretty and I choose to listen to an audio of my Bible readings, to be completely candid it isn't because I'm so religious and I'm so spiritual it's really to stay in tune with God and keep myself focused and centered on Christ.  See, I'm not really a nice person I can be very sarcastic and to the point.  I've never yelled at anyone or said mean things I just won't give you the time of day.  And judgmental???  I am the queen of Judgmental Land.  I'm one of those live and let live people and sometimes if I really don't like a person I'm one of those live and let die people.  It's just that if I don't feel you're worth my time I won't give it to you, yea real charitable, real caring.  Of course these are the secret thoughts and attitudes I have, I work very hard at not showing it........but somehow people say I have a way of carrying myself that makes people feel that I think I'm better than everyone else.  Truth is I'm so insecure that I hide behind the façade.  So as you can see I'm as screwed up as anyone else so.........yea I listen to the audible Bible on my way up, I study Proverbs I listen to Joseph Prince and I pray a whole lot.  It takes all of that to allow the Holy Spirit to work through me so that I'm not so vile I repel people. 

I could have one of those blogs where I tell you sweet stories and everything is flowery and pretty and I really like those I read those I enjoy the art, the recipes, the do it yourself projects and the women who write them, I always wanted to be like them, and I enjoy do it yourself projects, gardening, love cooking and painting but I couldn't put a blog together like that to save my life.  And it wouldn't be me my life is to messy and too busy and I work too hard on my education. 

I can only imagine my life without God in it.  I tend to be depressed so I'm sure I'd be very depressed and more than likely on some sort of medication.  I made horrible choices in the area of men and without God teaching me and showing me where my weaknesses are and where my standards should be I'm sure I'd continue in the same patterns.  God has allowed the person He created, the person He had designs for to begin to come to the surface.  He has brought it forth without Him I'd probably be on another marriage and divorce and miserable.  He gives me joy unspeakable.

On my drives in the morning I experience Him and I enjoy Him and He fills me with peace.  Besides all of that He goes ahead of me and plans my day, He makes the crooked places straight and surrounds me with His favor.  I don't have to fear anymore and trust me I feared all the time that even if things were good for a while it would only be temporary.  I don't have to worry about that anymore because He promises good to me. 

You know I don't worry anymore whether or not I'm going to find someone to spend my life with?  I don't worry about not being able to go places or do things anymore I know He has plans for me and He supplies all of my needs and He will be my provider and my comforter.  But it's because of Him in the natural I'm just not so nice or pleasant.  Thank God He loved me first!