June 11, 2015

A long time since I've said anything.  My life has quieted down.  I picked my daughter up from prison...funny I never thought I would say that to anyone....ever.  But I did.  Everything everyone said about it wasn't true, go figure.  The staff was very nice it was very easy, at least picking her up was easy.  We tried having her home but she just went right back to the boyfriend to started the whole mess so, as a family we turned her in to her parole officer and she took her to a group home to complete her parole and gain the needed therapy and education she needed.  Dealing with a child who has gone in this direction is a book in itself.  And believe me when I say that I prayed without ceasing, because if I had not I'm more than sure I would've died.  Just breathing in and out was difficult, crying was frequent, and yelling at God that he did not keep his promise was mandatory and finally I heard Him.  I'm so glad he chooses to strive with me through everything.

I was also grateful to have a second job that allowed me to work myself into the ground.  The people were great, the job was just plain fun and I thoroughly enjoyed every part of it...especially after I had sleep.  Driving up and down the Parker Poston road at 2 and 3:00 in the mornings was tough but I found such comfort in the celebration stations that faithfully aired christian music and endless wonderful shows, it was fun.  God is always found in the storm and He always provides joy and comfort and it was blast.  I spent those hours assessing mental health patients and making determinations for placement and treatment.  It sounds hard but it was fun.  It kept me preoccupied from spending endless hours thinking and crying.  I met some of the most wonderful people during that time.

I spent months blaming myself, wondering what I had done wrong as a parent and how I could have done better to have prevented the problem.  There was so much I was not aware of and yet she never told me.  I don't blame her for that I just wished I would have known.  At any rate the facility she is in is excellent, I believe she is getting the help she needs, at least I hope she is she seems happy.

My middle daughter is pregnant, she advised me that over a year ago she stopped taking her medications for her schizoid affective disorder.....now is that nice.  Of course, now being pregnant she can't take them anyway.  The interesting part is that prior to her pregnancy she seemed to be doing better than she was on them.  Although, it could be that I have just gotten used to her behavior but she works consistently, she doesn't hallucinate and stays in check with her temper.  That is with everyone but me lol.  I do find it interesting, I'm not sure if she doesn't hallucinate or if she's gotten used to it either way I suppose.  That's the thing with mental illness, specifically hers, I'm never quite sure when she's telling the truth, but she's working, there are no open cps cases and there are no dead bodies........I'm ahead!

My oldest has decided to go back to school to complete her nursing degree.  She's doing much better and things have leveled out for her so I'm glad.  I'm excited that she is considering her masters so yaaayy!!  My oldest granddaughter promoted from middle school, my younger granddaughter promoted from kindergarten, and all my others promoted nicely.

My dissertation is coming together, it appears I'm on the final revisions for my proposal so that it can be submitted...then data collection.  I feel like I'm pulling teeth but it'll be over soon enough.

I have met the coolest ladies in the support group I facilitate on Friday nights.  I'm learning so much from them and it's so interesting to me all the women who have kept it together and made their dysfunctional lives look completely functional.  They have stayed in their marriages for twenty years and longer and have worked hard to raise their families and maintain a smile.  But not a a small price.  It has been very hard on them.

God brought me through a very bad year last year.  He's been faithful and has kept my family safe.  It got really close but He kept his promises.