April, 12, 2013;

I think the mother instinct is fascinating.  It doesn't matter whether the child is right or wrong as a mother the love for them doesn't change.  Even if they totally cause you to step back and question your ability to parent and wonder what possessed them to do what they did.  What mistake did you make in their developmental years that has caused this situation to come about. 

There is a part of a mother that will stick by her child no matter what anyone says or does.  No matter how bad the infraction, the love does not change so much so that all instincts will kick in and everything else goes black.  Someone very recently told me that I needed to focus, that I needed to not allow things around me to take away from my destiny.  But above all other destinies that an individual may be in line to experience the one that is basic to nature is the destiny of being a mother to the exclusion of everything else. 

So I found that he was right I do need to focus, and I am focusing but not on what he thought I should focus on because honestly if its one thing I have learned going through this life it's that I can do many things at the same time and still protect and hold my baby in my arms and keep my family very close and keep others away. 

Tragedy makes strange bed fellows, well not actually BED fellows but God finds ways for very unusual help to appear. Out of no where theres help for all of it, a provision that I could not have provided, support where there was none.  There was no help to be had but God had it figured out before my feet hit the floor that morning.  By the time I was out of bed the help had arrived and I didn't think I was going to be able to reciprocate but he needed the exact skills that I have helped others with for years.  God has shown me immense favor in this situation and I believe he will show himself very strong and when he does I will have a fantastic miracle.  And through it all I have had a friend to cry with and talk to and pray with, she has been a true friend. 

And all of the other issues I previously had melted away in the fire, it's interesting how the important things become very important and the other things and people fade into the black abyss forever.  I know after this I will never be the same, but I know I'll be much better and so will my family.