January 20, 2013


Well, I finally figured out I need an upgrade.  In everything.  Its time to say goodbye to things that have run their course.  It's like when kids outgrow their clothes, you either give them to someone that can use them or you throw them out.  There are things in our lives that don't improve the quality, don't provide comfort, they are itchy uncomfortable and binding,  they just don't fit.  Sometimes you can find a different use for those things, sometimes you just can't.  But, they got you where you are, they were worn with grace and they were loved while they were here, but it's very similar to Andy's toys in Toy Story they just didn't fit anymore. 

It's really hard to move on sometimes but just like old clothes that don't grow with you, sometimes relationships don't either.  Before you know it they've either left emotionally, or you've outgrown them.  I think sometimes it's good when they go their own way and disappoint you, after all if they didn't there's a possibility you would go with them in their direction and you'd stay there being there for them, when they aren't there for you.  They're getting new relationships and you're standing there. 

I had  a friend once in school, we were best friends and everything was great.  Then one day as I walked to her house to walk to school, she had left with another friend, she became short with me, started finding fault with me, I didn't know why but we ended up not being friends.  It happens in adulthood too, I had it happen recently, everything changed, it seemed like over night. It wasn't but it seemed like it and then he was gone.

But change is good, growth is better, the truth is he made the best decision for both of us and I chose to embrace that.  You know how you know that if it went any further somehow you were gonna have to say uhhh no I don't want to do that, I knew, I didn't say it, but I knew.  Growing up and in my marriages I never felt free, I never felt like I could do anything.  Once you get that freedom into your life you definitely do not want to give it up for someone else's problems, situations, whatever. No.  You kind of feel like damn if they can't handle their life now and they choose to spin around in circles never accomplishing anything what makes you think you can change that.  What makes me think I'd be happy trying. No. 

I have the cutest young man (I call him my little boy) who works at the grocery story, so sweet, good heart.  He was talking to someone else in front of me and he said something.  He said just keep doing what you do (doin watcha do) and wait good things will come.  Profound. Obvious. True.  I don't want to settle for anything or anyone or their problems.  I think I will take the advice of a young man who spoke unknowingly from the Lord to me, just after I prayed and gave it all up to Him.