January 7, 2013

So who else loves The Big Bang Theory?  I love this show it's so awesome to watch indivdual idiosyncracies get turned into being cool and famous.  Not only is it finally acceptable to be OCD and nerdy but it's cool.  And not only is it cool, it's so cool everyone sits around and watches them. 

At any rate, it appears that this blogging thing is very healthy, I'm sure everyone should be journaling in some form or another.  I'm also sure that journaling on a public site keeps people from revealing too much, I'm sure lives are messier than people want us to believe.  And although it would be cleansing to pour out our manic and chaotic mental and emotional debris in a journal, along with secret longings, secret rendevous, or just secrets we want noone to ever no, we won't its just too much to think that somewhere out in cyperspace our sins are floating around. 

I myself have had many experiences I would rather were buried like the dishes my daughter broke and buried in the backyard.  Bad boyfriend experiences, even worse husband experiences lol.  Embarrassing crushes that were one way sometimes theirs, sometimes mine. 

For the most part, I'm secure, and then I'm not, and I wonder if everyone struggles with that.  Relationships are not my strong suit, I have what is termed a bad picker or bad radar or I draw the wrong type, since I never go and look for anyone.  And if they want to leave I let them, I generally don't put up too much of a fight, I figure if they were supposed to stay they would, but generally, they don't and most of the time they are asked to leave.  I'm very independent and the types that are drawn usually want a mama.  And the problem with getting an independent woman is that she doesn't want to be anyone's mama and is usually too busy to cater to the temper tantrums and neediness it's annoying and it usually turns us off, completely off, like forever.  And then there are the ones that want to conquer us oooooh.  I'm the big conquest, whatever, it never works.  They try to take control and I let them for a while until I'm bored with it and then they have to go.  They have no ambition themselves, other than to control my ambitions, really?  Goodbye.  The two weeks prior to my grandmother's death she was walking through the kitchen on her way to her bedroom.  I'll never forget it, I was being quiet and suddenly she said "I know you're lonely, I know it's hard for you, there aren't very many men like your daddy (my grandfather), but he's out there, you'll see".  Then she continued walking through.  The next week she died.  That's been over 20 years ago, I haven't found him and he hasn't found me.