January 8, 2013

I started yoga yesterday and today I hurt so bad I had no idea.  These journals are supposed to be a time for reflection, I don't know I'm always trying to look forward.  I try to do the best I can with each day, although that's not always so great.  You know we are supposed to focus on the positive every day.  And if negative thoughts come up we are supposed to confess the positive until we actually feel it.  You know fake it til you make it. Or Biblically confess those things that be not as though they are.  But that sort of negates the theory that you are good enough just the way you are doesn't it?  Or maybe it just teaches us to reach higher and bring those things into existence from our spirits.  Those things we only dare to imagine when noone's looking.

I deal with my own demons, depression, lonliness, self esteem.  Sometimes I just get tired of the voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough, or those feelings of sadness that just sit for a while.  And then theres those feelings of wondering whether or not I'll ever quit feeling like a wanderer on the earth.  Those are the things I fight, I hope noone else does, but I'm sure they do. 

For the most part I enjoy my world, although I want to reach much farther and do much more.  I figure I only have so many years and I'm sure I've wasted mine and someone else's share of time.  So now I have to take every risk that presents itself and go as far and as long as I can.  It is important that we remember that the attitude with which we live our lives is a legacy for our children and grandchildren to surpass.  And sometimes I just want to get drunk LOL.

My kids seem to be living quietly for the moment, everyone's healthy, bellies are full and everyone's clothed and warm.  That's a whole lot to be thankful for.  My daughter said she has started telling herself to straighten up, to quit being a baby and deal with things.  I'm not quite sure which voice that is in her head but it's my favorite.  I'll make friends with that one.